Behold a dream, the dream is gone

Well seeing Aaron Tveit in concert in real life, mere feet in front of me, was not on my 2023 bingo card 😭 There was a concert held in London for the Rodgers & Hammerstein 80th Anniversary. And I have to say that it was quite a strange experience, as it was barely advertised beforehand and had a stacked roster: Aaron Tveit, Michael Ball, Audra MacDonald, Marisha Wallace, Patrick Wilson, Daniel Dae Kim. I heard of it just the month before on Instagram, and even now after it's happened it still feels like a surreal experience that didn't actually happen. I haven't seen Aaron live since I went to New York in 2019 and it was my whole entire reason for going on that trip. I've been having a rough few years since and have only recently started to feel like I'm coming back to myself, and being able to bookend it like that and see him again feels really special, even if it does feel like I dreamed it.

I am a rock, I am an island

23rd October // I wasn't using my Plotter and I was seized by a need to create some pages for it, so I did and it was the most fun I've had with my stationary in ages. It's mostly recreations of things I've created in the past but put all in one place, and it made me realize that I don't really engage with my interests in any kind of meaningful way anymore and I want to change that.

24th October // I traveled to London to see Guys & Dolls. I started the day at Regents Park hoping all of the trees would be orange, but it was a bit underwhelming.

25th October // I re-watched the original Suspiria and enjoyed it a lot more than I did before. I think before I was expecting too much from the hype on my first watch, whereas this time I knew what to expect so I could just enjoy it from an artistic standpoint. I've been watching some of Dario Argento's other movies and really delving into the giallo genre, this was Tenebre. It didn't live up to Suspiria, but really what could? And I'm still having a lot of fun with these movies.

26th October // My new old dress arrived! I used to own this Angelic Pretty dress in black and I've always missed it but I rarely find it on secondhand markets in black so I settled on the red colourway. It's Alice in Wonderland themed if you couldn't guess.

27th October // These photos suck but I saw the full moon rise and it was magical.

28th October // Caught the latest KK Slider gig

29th October // I actually started this gouache painting back in September and it had nothing to do with Halloween, I just felt like painting a sheet ghost, but I figured it was a good time to get it finished so I could post it to my art account.

The oldest established, permanent floating crap game in New York

I love Guys and Dolls, it’s honestly, unironically one of my favorite movie musicals. I know people love to hate on Marlon Brando's singing, but honestly compared to some modern movie adaptations of Broadway musicals he really ain't even that bad! He embodies Sky Masterson and his suave, arrogant swagger just perfectly, he's having a great time doing it, and he acts the songs well and I respect it. I will die on the hill that Marlon Brando was a good Sky Masterson.

Guys and Dolls opened in London this year, and I really wanted to go see it as despite it being my favorite movie musical I'd never seen it on stage before. I guess because it's old producers assume it's outdated, and I had some numpties sat next to me who thought it was set in the 1920s and were moaning over how 'traditional' the story line is that sadly maybe proved that to be true? I hope not though! Just because something isn't relatable to current culture doesn't make it irrelevant. I feel like people are seeing less and less outside of their own personal experiences when it comes to art nowadays and if it isn't relatable to them personally then it's somehow not worth bothering with which is sad. Movies, theater, books, and art are supposed to expand your perspective, not limit it to what you already know.

I'd heard a lot of hype about how Guys and Dolls is staged because it's in the middle of the theatre, kind of like an amphitheatre? The stage is multiple cubes that rise and lower depending on where is actually being used by the actors, and they sell 'immersive tickets' so some audience members can stand around the stage. I did not like the sound of that as I knew I'd be on my feet all day around London and would need the rest (I did 25,000+ steps this day!), and having seen it I now know I'd like it even less as the stagehands were constantly herding the audience off of lowered bits of stage that were soon to be raised which was distracting enough for me in my seat and made it not immersive. Because it was in the center you could also obviously see the stagehands setting up and disassembling everything, and my attention span just Can Not. Even if I didn't want to watch them I just couldn't help myself, so I found it really difficult to just get lost in the show. I did like how the stagehands were dressed as the NYPD though, that was a fun touch! There was a lot of really fun details like that, I guess because the audience are so up close to everything so it makes it more difficult for them to cut any corners. I was front row and had the public telephone set piece right by my seat and I was tickled to see all of the period accurate business cards and flyers on it. Because the show is set in New York, before it started there were hot dog stands and pretzel carts and market stalls selling various hats and accessories that were really selling these items but they looked like set dressing, so I wasn't the only one who took a minute to realize you could actually buy it.

The show itself was good and I enjoyed it, but at the same time it gave me a bigger appreciation for the movie. I know the movie changes some things, but overall it's a pretty accurate adaptation. And because it's an old musical there were attempts to update it in small ways that felt kind of sloppy. Mostly the Havana scene - originally Sky takes Sarah to a bar and starts dancing with another woman, which makes Sarah jealous and a fight breaks out. But in this production all of the dancers at the bar were men so it seemed like Sky had taken Sarah to a gay bar, and there's no before or after insinuations that Sky is bi so when he starts dancing with a man and Sarah gets jealous and starts a fight it actually makes it really tonally off, especially when you consider Sarah's a strict Christian missionary beating up a gay man. Like, yikes. Representation is important, but sometimes it feels like it's wedged in for the sake of wedging it in where it doesn't always fit. This was absolutely one of those instances and the whole scene was just really uncomfortable and weird. Other than that one off-piste scene though it was really good - but I do prefer a traditional theatre experience without the "immersion" so I can just get lost in the story without all of the distractions.

Creature comfort goals, they only numb my soul and make it hard for me to see

16th October // Added some blue through the underneath of my hair to liven it up a little

17th October // I spent today in my favourite place, Whitby! Also found some real jet on the beach (this wasn't it, it turned out to be just some black rocks)

18th October // I got a new teapot to match my Moomin mug! I hadn't initially intended to get a matching set, but it was the only teapot I could find that I actually liked, and I like the laziness of not having to move away from my desk to refill my cup. I bought this leather raccoon binder in Itoya in Ginza, it's the most expensive stationary item I've ever owned and I regret absolutely nothing, it makes me so happy when I look at it. It feels so very me.

19th October // Harold and Maude has always been a film I've enjoyed very much, but I watched it recently and it just hit me in such a profound way. I really wanted the soundtrack, especially as it's Cat Stevens and there are two songs exclusive to this album that aren't on any others. Can I just rant for a minute about cardboard CD sleeves though? As I hate them, and I hate that they're being pushed as the 'eco friendly' version. It's not eco friendly when the CD is more likely to get scratched by swiping it in and out of the sleeve, which doesn't happen in a jewel case where it's actually protected. It's such a bugbear of mine! Companies selling things as 'greener' when it's actually just to cheap out so they can make more profit. Nothing is made with longevity anymore, and you're stuck buying it anyway as there's no other option. You can't even recycle cardboard CD sleeves as they're laminated, so there's literally no reason not to use a jewel case.

20th October // We had some pretty major flooding, I went out for a walk in it and killed my iPod 😭 It was in the pocket of my waterproof coat, but somehow it still got wet? It fried the logic board though. I've fixed it before and I shall fix it again! My iPod will never truly die, just get more and more Franensteined like all good obsolete electronics do.

21st October // Halloween nails! Although the more I looked at it, the more it reminded me of 1930s ceramics instead of Halloween ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

22nd October // This is a field, not a lake. I had to walk around it and the shallow areas were knee deep.

You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not

I know it's a little bit random in the middle of the month, but I've decided to do a photo a day challenge just for the next few weeks. Autumn is my favourite time of year and I really want to savour these little moments. Also I feel lately like my blog has become this slightly weird space where I only record the big moments, like it's some special highlights reel, and I don't like that, it never used to be like that, and I don't know what happened, but I feel like I don't know what to write or how to open up anymore and I've become so, so guarded. So I'm hoping this will help me to break out of that too. Because really everything is worth blogging about, I believe that with my whole heart, and I need to start putting it back into practice again. I'm always complaining about how the internet is too polished and inauthentic now and I'm part of the problem if I'm not being my authentic self on my own blog.

9th October // I finally finished my travel journal about my Tokyo trip. I love to create these books about my trips, and stick in all the ephemera I collect while I'm there. It gives those little treasures an organized home and gives me a blast of memories every time I flick through it. I got this Tokyo notebook from Traveler's Factory while I was over there

10th October // I love the light in my room when the evenings start drawing in and everything looks warm and golden.

11th October // We've been having some absolute beasts of spiders lately, and conkers do genuinely work so I went out and collected a bunch to place around the house.

12th October // Traveled to one of my favourite places, the antiques centre. If you've been reading my blog for a long time you might remember when I dressed exclusively in vintage clothing. I burnt out and got tired of it being my whole personality, but I guess it's been enough time that I'm starting to feel naturally drawn to that stuff again. I've always loved looking at antiques, but it is a lot more fun when you have more of a purpose. I just bought velvet and haberdasheries, I have no idea what I'll do with either but I like to have a small stash so that when the right project comes along I'm ready.

13th October // There's mushrooms popping up everywhere and it brings me so much joy!

14th October // My order arrived from Japan, including this bag from Tokyo Disney. There was a 40th Anniversary tote I saw people using while I was there but they were sold out at the time, so I snagged one from a Japanese auction site and threw this into my order while I was at it. I figured it's a bit of fun for Halloween.

15th October // Made a little autumnal scene with my left over conkers.

I'm in a position to say the camera does not lie

Before I went to Japan I bought a Kodak Ektar H35 camera, which is a fun little film camera that takes half frame photos. I love using film cameras and the excitement of not really knowing how the photos are going to turn out, but I end up not knowing what to do with the actual photographs. So I like the idea of half frame because it makes the prints a more managable size and I can then cut them in half and stick them in my journal. It also makes a roll of film last twice as long - I got 84 shots out of this one reel, which is both a blessing and a curse. It's nice not feeling limited, but it's a pain when you want your vacation photos already! I've seen a lot of people with this camera be really precise with their photos and try and get them matching on each side of the print, but I like the randomness. I assure you any that do match were purely by accident and dumb luck.

Trieste

I went to Trieste last week, a place I’d never actually heard of until Phantom of the Opera announced a production was opening there and I was intrigued. It had a strangely stacked cast for such a random location (Ramin Karimloo! Bradley Jaden! Earl Carpenter!) and when I found out that Ramin Karimloo was going to be reprising his role as the Phantom, I knew I had to go! He was my first ever Phantom when I first saw the show in 2008, and I also saw him in Love Never Dies (but the less said about that the better). I was even more intrigued when I discovered that it was going to a be non-replica production and apparently the Phantom would be riding the chandelier as it dropped at the end of Act 1. I'd honestly never even heard of Trieste before, but I really regret not going to see it in Oslo as that production still looks incredible to me so I figured I'd book it and see what happened. After all, that's what I did for New York and that worked out!

I was in Trieste for 3 days, and it was OK. There wasn’t really a whole lot to do in the city that didn’t require an entry fee (even the beach! Even the bathroom!!) and I was determined not to spend a lot, so I didn’t really end up doing much and felt like I was just waiting to go to the theatre and then waiting to go home. My trip also coincided with the current heatwave that’s happening in central Europe (some temperatures in Italy are reaching 49°C/120°F) so that made me pretty miserable too - I’m a cold weather autumnal girlie. I also just found myself feeling very anxious and depressed on this trip for no real reason which wasn't fun, but I struggled last time I went to Italy too in 2018 and it ended up being a turning point for me and I went on to have the best year of my life afterwards, so maybe having a mental breakdown in Italy is just something I need to do now and then for my health.

The show though!! It was incredible! I’m so glad I went! I'd read comments of it "looking cheap" so I didn't have very high hopes, but I found that to be completely untrue. I loved the set, it was a rotating stage and the main set was a stage/mini theatre (you can see what I mean here) and it rotated depending on whether the scene was taking place on stage or backstage which gave it a really great sense of it taking place within a theatre. During the Overture as the chandelier rose the stage kept rotating and kind of "wound the clock back" and showed key scenes from the musical in reverse until it got to Hannibal which looked incredible. I really loved the costumes too - especially the Phantom's, controversial opinion but I actually don't like his original costume at all and think it's aged horribly. In this it felt more historically accurate, but with some added gothic drama by lining his cloak with red. All of the costumes felt really historically accurate, including Masquerade which I didn't like at first as it felt kind of plain as they were just all wearing cloaks, but then I realized it was a traditional Venetian Masquerade rather than the usual fancy dress party and I liked that so much, especially as it was in Italy.

I liked the choices they'd made with some of the characterizations too - Christine is rapturous when the Phantom first appears in the mirror, but when she realizes he's just a man living in a basement she's visibly afraid and looking for a way to escape and the Phantom literally drugs her during Music of the Night to make her euphoric again so she'll let him touch her. Why Have You Brought Me Here/All I Ask Of You was Christine feeling so desperate she's about to throw herself off of the roof of the Opera Populaire and Raoul has to talk her down from it, and I loved that so much. Not only does it give their relationship some much needed depth, Christine contemplating suicide is in the original novel and it perfectly illustrated how traumatized she was by the whole experience. Overall the mood felt a lot more like the book than the high romance of the musical, and I really loved that! During the Final Lair scene Raoul comes on stage dripping wet because he's just swum through the lake and I'm obsessed with that level of detail. I don't know how they did it either as Raoul was shirtless and not wearing a harness, but the Phantom actually hanged him, Raoul was in midair from his neck for most of the scene. And at the very end just before the mob arrives they had Madame Giry find the Phantom just before he disappears, and that was just such a perfect full circle moment for the plot - she saw how far he'd fallen and how desperate he was, and made one last ditch attempt to help him by misdirecting the police at the last minute (it makes so much more sense than Meg finding him!). The managers also burned the theatre down after Don Juan (not literally, obviously), and it just felt like every character had an ending, whereas in the original they just disappear when they’re not relevant anymore.

There were some questionable moments (I didn't like the chandelier falling! The Phantom does "ride" it, but it's over the stage not the audience and it's very anti-climatic as it just swings a bit while the set around it moves to signify it falling) but overall I wouldn't be mad if this one replaced the original entirely quite honestly. Although I love Phantom of the Opera, I’m not a purest either and I’m happy to see it get updated as time goes on. I ended up seeing it twice as I got a last minute ticket for the day I arrived in Trieste, and I'm really glad I did that. It meant I was really far away the first night, but there were some things I couldn't see as well closer up so it gave me a better perspective of the whole thing.