Music is your only friend

I went to a record fair today, which I don't think I've done in about 5 years? And I forgot how fun it is! It gives me a lot of anxiety too, it shouldn't but it does as I feel so out of place, so afraid of my choices being judged. Because the handful of records I've bought the past few years have all been from Amazon or HMV I'd completely forgotten the thrill of the search, and the excitement when you find something you like - I saw a copy of Tom Waits' Bastards which reminded me of going on an adventure to a completely different city for Record Store Day to buy it along with the rest of the Orphans set and Piper At The Gates of Dawn. They had so many great records that it was difficult to narrow my choices down (but I did!) and I recognized how skewed my opinion of how expensive vinyl has gotten is just because of HMV. Record fairs are much the same as they've always been, some sellers pushing their luck of course but that's nothing new. It made me feel really excited about this old hobby again, and if I could get over my stupid anxiety and feelings of inferiority I'll bet I could find a good community out of it. I realize I've been hiding in the anonymity of HMV which isn't the best way, and that's why I've felt so ambivalent towards vinyl and started collecting CDs. I still like CDs and want to collect them - I want to collect everything on CD and reserve vinyl for the albums I really care about - but I was thinking of giving up vinyl completely as I was no longer seeing the appeal of it, and now I wonder if I haven't just been hiding because of the community aspect surrounding vinyl. Vinyl takes me out of my comfort zone in a way that CDs don't, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I also want to acknowledge that this anxiety hasn't sprung up out of nowhere, and I've experienced a lot of sexism in these spaces. For being a female in a mostly male orientated hobby, and having men presuming my music taste or that I know less than I do about what I'm buying and trying to lecture me. This was my outfit because I'm tired of toning myself down to be taken seriously. I'm learning not to be afraid of being myself again.

dress + cardigan: secret honey // shoes + bag: angelic pretty // beret: primark

Fishing for time with a wishing line and throwing it back in the sea

I spent a gloomy day at the beach, which is probably my favourite type of day to go to the beach. It's been a long time since I've gone out with the sole intention of taking some photos for my blog, and I forgot how fun it is. I wanted to take some outfit shots, but it proved too windy so I'll have to show you what I'm wearing some other time.

Way Down Hadestown

I saw Hadestown yesterday! Finally!! I wanted to see it since I went to New York, but it had just won a ton of Tonys and the few tickets they had left for the dates I was there were ridiculously overpriced for where I'd be sitting and I figured it should come to London soon enough. I never imagined I'd be waiting this long! And if I'm being perfectly honest, I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I feel like that's always a risk when I listen to a show before I've seen it, as I can't help but imagine what it's staged like. I've seen some clips and obviously lots of gifs on Tumblr, but I don't enjoy watching full bootlegs (they zoom in and out too much so you don't get an overall view and it's so unsteady and I just don't find that fun) so whilst I know the overall vibe of the show, there's obviously lots I'm missing and my imagination fills in those blanks. And unfortunately sometimes my imagination is just better. My seat didn't help at all, I was in a box and I always hate sitting far away as I feel less immersed and I couldn't even see the far right of the stage and it wasn't comfortable as I spent show leaning forward as much as possible. I know that's on me, but it was one of the only seats left and I was so eager to see it because I'd been waiting so long! When the show was first announced and bookings opened I was living in Korea and didn't know if I'd make it, so I had to make do with what was left.

I much preferred the second act to the first, the entire first act is presented to the audience like it's being performed as a show (like a show within a show) with the entire cast on the stage at all times, and that really took me out of the narrative whereas the second act loses that set up and it's played like it's actually taking place in the Underworld. Like in the first act Orpheus and Eurydice are supposed to be having these really intimate moments while literally everyone is standing around the stage watching them and it felt awkward to me more than anything else. I really didn't like the use of British accents either and it felt really jarring paired against a backdrop of music that's so very American. I keep seeing people using the fact that it's based on Greek mythology to state that it's not an American show, and whilst that may be to true I also think it's sad when so much of it is inspired by traditional American music (African American at that, lets just say it) and to deny it that feels disingenuous to the cultures it's been taken from. The accents being different also changes the music just from the fact that intonations are different - British people pronounce things differently to Americans so it fundamentally changes the way the songs sound. Orpheus was the only accent that didn't bother me, and he's currently being played by Dónal Finn who performs with his natural Irish accent which suited the role so well - if I could petition for Orpheus to always be Irish now I would!

I got up super early to go to London as I'd booked to a see the Cute exhibition at Somerset House. I booked it for 12.30pm as when I was going to the Pink Floyd exhibitions at the V&A I would spend hours there and I expected the same. So I was so disappointed when I was completely finished within 45 minutes, and that was taking the exhibition slowly! It was supposed to be all about the history of kawaii aesthetics and it's power over Internet culture, but it was so surface level and felt kind of lazy, like they summarized a Wiki article and ordered some merch in special as most of it was dated from last year. There was an Animal Crossing display that had a Tom Nook plushie from Build-A-Bear down the road instead of ordering one of the high quality Japanese dolls, there was an offbrand Lolita outfit on display instead of getting an Angelic Pretty or Baby The Stars Shine Bright dress (they didn't even mention these brands and they created lolita!) There was very little explanation of anything, there were just QR codes alongside every item which people were being encouraged to scan by the curators. And that annoyed me as well, what's the point of visiting an exhibition just to spend the entire time hunched over your own phone? And paying almost £20 for the privilege! It was all just very weird, I felt like I should have been it's target audience but it was far too basic, and if you're not already into that stuff then I don't know why you'd pay to go, so who exactly are they targeting this exhibition at?

The offending lolita dress, by a brand called Physical Drop which was founded in 2010 by a former designer of Metamorphose Temps De Fille (a more legit lolita brand). Physical Drop is a very niche, casual brand, and that's not even what the original dress looks like, nor how an actual lolita would style it. And I know what I'm talking about as I've been involved in this subculture since 2008! It's not only a horrid, ugly ass outfit, it shows a lack of research, that an actual lolita wasn't consulted at all, and it also smacks of deliberately trying to mock and infantilize? The more I look at it, the more I'm not convinced that it's been altered to add all the gingham fabric, on top of that weird apron, the million bows, the unnecessary layers of frills added to the hem of the dress. It may sound like I'm being harsh, but it calls into question what else is being misrepresented too and the credibility of the whole exhibition.

I did like that it also showed when 'cute' is used to conceal the more nefarious, such as OxyContin's plushie to push more drugs. I was also very amused that Duolingo's owl got placed into 'Monsterous Other'

Behold a dream, the dream is gone

Well seeing Aaron Tveit in concert in real life, mere feet in front of me, was not on my 2023 bingo card 😭 There was a concert held in London for the Rodgers & Hammerstein 80th Anniversary. And I have to say that it was quite a strange experience, as it was barely advertised beforehand and had a stacked roster: Aaron Tveit, Michael Ball, Audra MacDonald, Marisha Wallace, Patrick Wilson, Daniel Dae Kim. I heard of it just the month before on Instagram, and even now after it's happened it still feels like a surreal experience that didn't actually happen. I haven't seen Aaron live since I went to New York in 2019 and it was my whole entire reason for going on that trip. I've been having a rough few years since and have only recently started to feel like I'm coming back to myself, and being able to bookend it like that and see him again feels really special, even if it does feel like I dreamed it.

I am a rock, I am an island

23rd October // I wasn't using my Plotter and I was seized by a need to create some pages for it, so I did and it was the most fun I've had with my stationary in ages. It's mostly recreations of things I've created in the past but put all in one place, and it made me realize that I don't really engage with my interests in any kind of meaningful way anymore and I want to change that.

24th October // I traveled to London to see Guys & Dolls. I started the day at Regents Park hoping all of the trees would be orange, but it was a bit underwhelming.

25th October // I re-watched the original Suspiria and enjoyed it a lot more than I did before. I think before I was expecting too much from the hype on my first watch, whereas this time I knew what to expect so I could just enjoy it from an artistic standpoint. I've been watching some of Dario Argento's other movies and really delving into the giallo genre, this was Tenebre. It didn't live up to Suspiria, but really what could? And I'm still having a lot of fun with these movies.

26th October // My new old dress arrived! I used to own this Angelic Pretty dress in black and I've always missed it but I rarely find it on secondhand markets in black so I settled on the red colourway. It's Alice in Wonderland themed if you couldn't guess.

27th October // These photos suck but I saw the full moon rise and it was magical.

28th October // Caught the latest KK Slider gig

29th October // I actually started this gouache painting back in September and it had nothing to do with Halloween, I just felt like painting a sheet ghost, but I figured it was a good time to get it finished so I could post it to my art account.

The oldest established, permanent floating crap game in New York

I love Guys and Dolls, it’s honestly, unironically one of my favorite movie musicals. I know people love to hate on Marlon Brando's singing, but honestly compared to some modern movie adaptations of Broadway musicals he really ain't even that bad! He embodies Sky Masterson and his suave, arrogant swagger just perfectly, he's having a great time doing it, and he acts the songs well and I respect it. I will die on the hill that Marlon Brando was a good Sky Masterson.

Guys and Dolls opened in London this year, and I really wanted to go see it as despite it being my favorite movie musical I'd never seen it on stage before. I guess because it's old producers assume it's outdated, and I had some numpties sat next to me who thought it was set in the 1920s and were moaning over how 'traditional' the story line is that sadly maybe proved that to be true? I hope not though! Just because something isn't relatable to current culture doesn't make it irrelevant. I feel like people are seeing less and less outside of their own personal experiences when it comes to art nowadays and if it isn't relatable to them personally then it's somehow not worth bothering with which is sad. Movies, theater, books, and art are supposed to expand your perspective, not limit it to what you already know.

I'd heard a lot of hype about how Guys and Dolls is staged because it's in the middle of the theatre, kind of like an amphitheatre? The stage is multiple cubes that rise and lower depending on where is actually being used by the actors, and they sell 'immersive tickets' so some audience members can stand around the stage. I did not like the sound of that as I knew I'd be on my feet all day around London and would need the rest (I did 25,000+ steps this day!), and having seen it I now know I'd like it even less as the stagehands were constantly herding the audience off of lowered bits of stage that were soon to be raised which was distracting enough for me in my seat and made it not immersive. Because it was in the center you could also obviously see the stagehands setting up and disassembling everything, and my attention span just Can Not. Even if I didn't want to watch them I just couldn't help myself, so I found it really difficult to just get lost in the show. I did like how the stagehands were dressed as the NYPD though, that was a fun touch! There was a lot of really fun details like that, I guess because the audience are so up close to everything so it makes it more difficult for them to cut any corners. I was front row and had the public telephone set piece right by my seat and I was tickled to see all of the period accurate business cards and flyers on it. Because the show is set in New York, before it started there were hot dog stands and pretzel carts and market stalls selling various hats and accessories that were really selling these items but they looked like set dressing, so I wasn't the only one who took a minute to realize you could actually buy it.

The show itself was good and I enjoyed it, but at the same time it gave me a bigger appreciation for the movie. I know the movie changes some things, but overall it's a pretty accurate adaptation. And because it's an old musical there were attempts to update it in small ways that felt kind of sloppy. Mostly the Havana scene - originally Sky takes Sarah to a bar and starts dancing with another woman, which makes Sarah jealous and a fight breaks out. But in this production all of the dancers at the bar were men so it seemed like Sky had taken Sarah to a gay bar, and there's no before or after insinuations that Sky is bi so when he starts dancing with a man and Sarah gets jealous and starts a fight it actually makes it really tonally off, especially when you consider Sarah's a strict Christian missionary beating up a gay man. Like, yikes. Representation is important, but sometimes it feels like it's wedged in for the sake of wedging it in where it doesn't always fit. This was absolutely one of those instances and the whole scene was just really uncomfortable and weird. Other than that one off-piste scene though it was really good - but I do prefer a traditional theatre experience without the "immersion" so I can just get lost in the story without all of the distractions.

Creature comfort goals, they only numb my soul and make it hard for me to see

16th October // Added some blue through the underneath of my hair to liven it up a little

17th October // I spent today in my favourite place, Whitby! Also found some real jet on the beach (this wasn't it, it turned out to be just some black rocks)

18th October // I got a new teapot to match my Moomin mug! I hadn't initially intended to get a matching set, but it was the only teapot I could find that I actually liked, and I like the laziness of not having to move away from my desk to refill my cup. I bought this leather raccoon binder in Itoya in Ginza, it's the most expensive stationary item I've ever owned and I regret absolutely nothing, it makes me so happy when I look at it. It feels so very me.

19th October // Harold and Maude has always been a film I've enjoyed very much, but I watched it recently and it just hit me in such a profound way. I really wanted the soundtrack, especially as it's Cat Stevens and there are two songs exclusive to this album that aren't on any others. Can I just rant for a minute about cardboard CD sleeves though? As I hate them, and I hate that they're being pushed as the 'eco friendly' version. It's not eco friendly when the CD is more likely to get scratched by swiping it in and out of the sleeve, which doesn't happen in a jewel case where it's actually protected. It's such a bugbear of mine! Companies selling things as 'greener' when it's actually just to cheap out so they can make more profit. Nothing is made with longevity anymore, and you're stuck buying it anyway as there's no other option. You can't even recycle cardboard CD sleeves as they're laminated, so there's literally no reason not to use a jewel case.

20th October // We had some pretty major flooding, I went out for a walk in it and killed my iPod 😭 It was in the pocket of my waterproof coat, but somehow it still got wet? It fried the logic board though. I've fixed it before and I shall fix it again! My iPod will never truly die, just get more and more Franensteined like all good obsolete electronics do.

21st October // Halloween nails! Although the more I looked at it, the more it reminded me of 1930s ceramics instead of Halloween ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

22nd October // This is a field, not a lake. I had to walk around it and the shallow areas were knee deep.