I've really been loving my sketchbook lately, I just can't stop drawing and can't tell you how wonderful that feels. If you didn't know, I completed a BA(Hons) degree in Illustration last year, a feat in itself with all of the illness I've been dealing with along the way. I had art block before I even started my degree, and I think a lot of it has been mental health related and being in such a bad place zapping my creativity. I had hoped that doing a degree would help me figure stuff out and find my motivation, but naturally it came with it's own difficulties. Although I was forced to draw to complete assignments, I was left with no time for experimentation as it was more important to churn out work to meet deadlines, so although I got an insight into the industry there wasn't any room to find my feet artistically. And with such a heavy emphasis being put on commercializing work and fitting yourself into a box, my work had never felt more restrictive as I had brand new ways to pick myself apart and tell myself my work wasn't good enough. I wrote a lot more about my art journey here, but suffice to say it's been a difficult journey and I honestly didn't see myself getting to this point.
After graduating I felt like throwing in the towel and giving up on art altogether, just keeping it as something strictly for myself with no outside pressure. Then last autumn I had a turning point and hit my stride, organically found a style I loved working in that feels like my own instead of incarnations of other people's work that I'm trying to mimic (like trying to draw in the standardized Disney way), and have almost completed my first sketchbook in years.
Generally I see my sketchbook as something very private and I'm quite guarded about it, mostly because for me personally if I think of my sketchbook as something that other people might see then I start looking at it through that perfectionist lens and it becomes something performative. A sketchbook is very personal and journal like anyway, so it makes sense for it to be just for the artist - you wouldn't ask to flip through someone's diary, and it's basically a visual version of that. But saying that, I'm so proud of my work and what I've accomplished that I can't help but want to show off some pages I really love.
I really started using this sketchbook in October 2018, so all of this work is from the last 7 months and I'm only 10 pages away from filling up the whole book. I'm bouncing off the walls about that! I've been using a Leuchtturm1917 sketchbook which I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with, but I'll definitely be buying another of this brand regardless - the fact that I don't 100% love the paper quality is forcing me to not get too caught up in filling it with finished art pieces so I can be a bit rougher with it. Plus it comes in such pretty colours!
I'm also at a point where I want to give my art career another go. Especially as I now feel like I have my own identity as an illustrator and know which direction I want to work in. I’ve always felt that I had to build an audience before I invested in creating my art as a business, but I've realised now that that’s the wrong way around. It’s up to me to make this happen and believe in the quality of my work as a saleable product, not sit around waiting for demand to happen. I'm currently making a list of the kinds of products I want to create featuring my work, sourcing suppliers and thinking about stockists, putting together zines (something I always wanted to make but never knew what it should be about - now I have 7 without even really trying), building more of my portfolio and creating a website, and just having more fun with my work again.
I post finished pieces to my art blog, Instagram, deviantArt, and Tumblr if you want to stay up to date with things I'm creating, but I'll definitely keep sharing the odd thing over here from time to time too.
title // Kiki's Delivery Service
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