Is This the Life We Really Want?

Earlier this month I was fortunate enough to see Roger Waters, a former member of my favourite band Pink Floyd. I saw him both in London, and the following night at Birmingham which was undoubtedly the best night of my entire life. I was second row from the front and being so physically close to him made the experience feel incredibly intimate, it was easy to forget the other tens of thousands of people behind. I even got to touch Roger's hand as he passed by the audience during the final track. To be so close to one of my biggest living idols was a completely surreal experience, and if I didn't have photographic evidence I'd be half convinced it was all a dream!

Despite the show being to promote his most recent album, most of the set list was based around Pink Floyd's tracks which felt amazing to hear live, especially as many of my favourites were included such as One of These Days and Pigs (Three Different Ones). Most of the show was rooted in the 1977 album Animals which is my favourite after Piper at the Gates of Dawn. Despite being a fan for so many years I hadn't been able to see Roger on any of his previous tours which were mostly based around The Wall, so it felt extra special that the shows I should see borrowed so heavily from my personal favourite album.

I'm seeing Nick Mason's Saucerful of Secrets in September which I'm sure will be another emotional night, especially as Nick's my favourite and it's based more around Syd's era of the band. I can't believe this year I'll have gone from seeing none of Pink Floyd in the flesh, to two of them!

I'm much too fast to take that test

I abandoned this blog for the most superficial of reasons: I liked it exactly how it was. The posts previous to this one really mean something to me, particularly the entry about Their Mortal Remains. I felt reluctant to push those entries down into the depths so they were no longer on the front where they rightfully belonged. So I left it, a snapshot in time. But as this is my favourite blog I've ever created filled with my favourite entries, I began to think that surely it's a shame to end it there and cut myself off from making future entires I'm as proud of?

Lately I've felt like I want to burn my closet and start again from scratch. I'm so bored of my style, but feeling impulsive and bored is never a wise combination. I've always gone through phases in my life, so I guess it's really nothing new. There was the boho phase, the grunge phase, the goth, the EGL. I'm reluctant to describe my vintage wearing as a phase seeing as it's been such a huge part of my life. But as about 90% of my wardrobe is vintage, prehaps I just went too hard and now I need to go home.

Lately I find myself browsing Lolita brand websites again, pinning Mori and Dolly Kei images, and lusting for all things earth toned. I'm reclaiming old interests such as animated films and childrens literature, old loves which I'd drifted from. Cath Kidston's latest Disney collection proved lethal to the point where I felt directly targeted - Alice has always been my favourite to the point my entire online identity used to be carved from it, and the Cath Kidston style is just the aesthetic I've been coveting lately.

Half of the issue is exactly in what I've just stated - I base my entire online presence around one particular thing and water the rest of myself down. It's difficult not to when so much of blogging and social media is about finding your 'niche' and promoting just that and becoming boringly predictable. It's a method that's always lacked authenticity to me as no one is that one sided, and yet it's a trap I still fall into myself. I'm bored of my old blog and my Instagram as no one cares if it's not vintage I'm posting about, and that just feels sad and hollow to me. I long to express myself fully and embrace all of my interests - the Disney, the J-fashion, the kitsch, the spooky, and the vintage. Which I think is why I've felt so wistful these past months for the old version of me. Because I used to embrace every aspect of myself, but somehow got lost along the way.

In line with that I've been giving my online life a bit of an overhaul. My YouTube channel has had a makeover and I'm aiming to ease it into a fully art based direction as art channels have been my favourite to watch since I discovered them. I've also started a new Instagram account which I hope to be less curated where the only 'theme' is me. I've also begun a new art blog, as I really feel I'd rather base myself around that aspect of my personality. I crave to be known for the work I put my heart and soul into, and less for what I wear and what I buy. I'm not sure when I became so materialistic, but it's uncomfortable and needs to stop.

I've considering taking a bit of a break from all social media except for blogging and YouTube - just a week or so to reset myself. It's alarming how much time I waste scrolling, and how little time I spend doing the things that matter to me, such as reading books, drawing, and writing from my heart. Yet more features of my old self I hope to reconnect with.

Remember a Day

On Thursday I traveled to London to see Their Mortal Remains, the V&A's Pink Floyd exhibition, for one final time before it closes on the 15th. I'm lucky to have been a total of 3 times so far, and I'm going to miss this exhibition SO much. I can't even begin to put into words just how much I love Pink Floyd and what this exhibition means to me. It just gives me the biggest buzz and makes me so happy to escape and just be completely and utterly immersed in my favourite band for a few hours. It renews my love and wonder for them all over again and makes me feel like I did when I first discovered them, and I'm going to miss that feeling so much. I have no idea how I'll recapture that without the exhibition. The closest thing I can describe it as is it's like Disneyland, but for Floyd fans. It's that same kind of magical escapism. I managed to spend 5 hours in there this visit and I have no idea where that time even went, I was in such a happy bubble making sure I took in absolutely every little thing before it's gone forever. I just love Pink Floyd so much, and this entire exhibition just highlights that so much and overwhelms me with adoration. I could never see it enough times.

I'll put most of these images under a cut as there's going to be A LOT, but I just want to remember this always. You'll have to excuse the red and green dots, it's the reflection of the audio guide around my neck!

As you begin the exhibition you enter through a model of their Bedford van which was the bands earliest mode of transport for all of their equipment. There's a photo of Nick loading his drumkit into it (which you can see clearer here - notice the band through the window in the background!) and a letter Syd Barrett wrote to his girlfriend of the time that mentions the van.

A zine Syd made for a school friend

Really my only complaint about the entire exhibition, and has been since day 1, is that there isn't enough emphasis placed on Syd. Roger Waters himself has stated "We wouldn't of existed if it weren't for him", and as I know from first hand experience how few people are even aware of Syd's existence (the amount of times I've been condescendingly told by 'fans' that there's no member of Pink Floyd called Syd!) that I really feel his influence wasn't emphasized enough. After the first few rooms he's just never mentioned again, despite the fact that he inspired so much of the bands later content such as Wish You Were Here and a lot of The Wall and his shadow forever haunted them. At the very end of the exhibition there's a little tribute to Rick to mark his passing, and yet there's nothing like that for Syd which I thought was sad.

One of Nick Mason's technical drawings from his architecture studies and an abstract painting by Syd

"After two years at the Cambridgeshire College of Arts and Technology, Syd Barrett came to London in 1964 to study at Camberwell School of Arts and Crafts. He was a prolific painter, and many people saw him as an artist first and a musician second. Although Pink Floyd's increasing success meant Syd left Camberwell early, he continued to paint for the rest of his life"

Photo a day #1

I've really sucked at taking photos this past year, and it's something I've felt very aware of. I've always loved seeing people's project 365s and having a little peek into their world, and I remember trying to do it a few years ago. I'm not sure how I feel about committing to a whole year, but a month is definitely doable so here's the first part of October.

1/30 - Monday 2nd October

This was my first day back at uni, so you can imagine I was exhausted! Not only did my body have to re-adjust to waking up at 7am, we also had a full on day of dissertation planning. I was relieved to finally get home and have a cup of tea, especially as my lovely new Moomin mug had arrived from Finland. It's a recent release based on Tove Jansson's illustrations and it's moody atmosphere makes it feel perfect for this time of year.

2/30 - Tuesday 3rd October

As I said in my last post, recently I've gotten very much back into using my sketchbook every day. I usually take no notice of Inktober, but I decided this year it'd be a good excuse to practice. My aim isn't to create any finished pieces, I'm not even fussed about doing all of the days, I'm just taking the prompts as inspiration for doodles for my sketchbook. I doubt I'll share many as I'm doing them for me, a habit I'm very much enjoying getting back into instead of the absurd pressure to make everything for social media.

3/30 - Wednesday 4th October

I got concert tickets to see Roger Waters!! I can barely contain my excitement. I've been looking on with envy as he's toured North America this year, willing him to come back to his home country. I actually got tickets to see him twice as this feels like such a momentous occasion. I'll be seeing him in London at British Summer Time festival, and the very next day in Birmingham so I figured I'd make it a little road trip. I'm excited to see how the festival performance varies from his own set up and stage design. Also these dates are right before my birthday and I can't imagine a better way to celebrate.

4/30 - Thursday 5th October

I went to see It again. Despite a truly awful disrespectful audience who laughed, talked, ate loudly, belched, and played on their phones throughout the entire film (seriously, why are people so inconsiderate?) I loved the film just as much on a second viewing and am still just as obsessed with it. I haven't been able to make my way through as much of the book as I would have liked due to my dissertation reading, but I recently downloaded the audio book so we'll see how I get on with that. I've never used audio books before so I'm not sure how my concentration span will compare to actually reading it myself.

5/30 - Friday 6th October

A full day at uni, I was truly exhausted after my first week back but I'm feeling excited about my final year. This page from my class sketchbook is what I worked on for most of the day, we've had to create a drink name from a pre-selected set of words and design the label.

6/30 - Saturday 7th October

I took my weekend fairly easy, and on Saturday I just popped to the craft shop for some wool and sewing bits and pieces. It was truly autumnal day with absolutely miserable weather, just how I like it!

7/30 - Sunday 8th October

I've spent most of today knitting and watching YouTube videos. I've lost my gloves, so decided I'd make my own this year. I've never knitted on double ended needles before, and it's funny as I can remember looking at them in the craft shop just this summer and wondering what on earth you'd do with those. It's actually quite simple once you get the hang of it!

September favourites ♡

I've been wanting to start this for a while, I think it's really healthy to take stock and appreciate all of the things you've enjoyed each month, even if those things may not look like much to an outsider.

1. Gouache. I've been watching a lot of art YouTubers over summer and they really made me want to finally try this paint. I generally paint with watercolours or acrylics, and gouache is supposed to be somewhere between the two. I bought my first set this month, and guys, I've found my favourite medium. I can't stop using it. I love how vivid it is, how it plays with other mediums, and it's pushing me out of my comfort zone in the best possible way. I've never been confident with my colour selections before, but for some reason every colour I mix with gouache just works.

2. My sketchbook. I've only ever completed about two sketchbooks in my entire life. I always fill in a few pages, then give up as I loose momentum and don't want to 'mess it up'. And yet for some reason I can't put my sketchbook down at the moment. I've stopped being so precious about what I put in it and I'm just enjoying using it so much. I'm far from completing it, but I'm finally at a point where I can imagine it happening and that's quite exciting. I'm excited to see my art grow and progress. I aim to do Inktober next month, so I shall definitely be keeping it up.

3. Tea. I've always enjoyed tea, but I tend to drink more coffee for the caffine and tea falls by the wayside. I've really been enjoying it this past month, whether that be sitting down with a good cup of proper English tea (preferably PG Tips), or a warming cup of herbal. Blackcurrant and camomile is my favourite at the moment, although I have to create it myself using two tea bags!

4. Thrifting. I'm no stranger to charity shopping, I've gotten it down to a fine art over the years of trawling for vintage, but it's a temperamental hobby to say the least. It tends to be either all of nothing, and I'm having a particularly lucky spell. I found a beautiful woolen dress that fits me just right, a snuggly pink duffle coat, an angora sweater, and numerous scarves and home wares.

5. Knitting. I've been buying far too many balls of wool, but it's such a relaxing way to unwind.

6. Autumn. My favourite season. I've been looking forward to autumn throughout most of summer and I couldn't be happier now it's actually here. The leaves, the acorns and chestnuts and conkers, the seasonal food, the miserable weather, foraging for berries. I love it all. I come alive in this season.

7. Being home. I have to leave soon to go back to uni. I'm going to miss it so much.

8. It. I forgot to add this to my drawing (even though it's featured heavily in my sketchbook this month!) but I've been obsessed with It since I saw the film earlier this month. It was such a good adaptation, and I'm loving how many people are discovering the story through it as it's one of my favourite novels. I'm currently giving it a re-read!

Balanced on the biggest wave

I'm traveling back to uni on Saturday in preparation for my 3rd year. I'm not looking forward to it, the closer the date draws nearer, the more I feel the band around my midsection tighten with anxiety. To say I haven't enjoyed my uni experience would be an understatement, and it's made ever harder by the blissfully long summer breaks. I know I'll be OK when I'm actually there, but I prefer being here so much more. However I'm determined to try and make the most of my final year, the knowledge of how little there is left and how quickly it will pass causes me just as much anxiety. 8 months isn't very long at all. I have ideas of what I'd like to put in motion for then, but I'm playing it close to my chest. I'm trying to focus on the now.

Beep, beep, Richie

I've been a massive fan of Stephen King ever since I first read The Shining when I was 15. I've read most of his work (except The Dark Tower series as I get intimidated by how huge it is!) and It has always been one of my favourites. It's the quickest I've ever read 1200 pages, I was gripped from the go. I wasn't familiar with the film version starring Tim Curry when I first read the book, so I didn't really know what I was getting into other than something about a killer clown. Horror is my favourite genre, I'm well acclimatised to it so it's rare for me to feel scared of a book. It is the only one to actually give me nightmares.

I'd heard good things about the original 1990 mini-series, but felt let down when I actually saw it. The book wasn't well translated to screen, it just ended up a confusing mess that I wasn't sure I'd of kept up with had I not already read it. The acting was corny, and Pennywise himself absolutely laughable, far too hammed up and not even slightly threatening. I'm sure it was good when it was released, but it hasn't aged well to say the least.

I was excited about the new film as soon as I heard of it, doubly so when I saw the teaser images of Pennywise. It seemed to be quite divisive. Some, like me, absolutely adored the new look. Others said it didn't look friendly enough and lacked the charm of Tim Curry's. As much as I dislike the 1990 version, I understand that view. He doesn't look friendly to kids, which is the entire point of him taking on the guise of a clown. But my biggest issue with the original version though was that he didn't look threatening enough. Him suddenly turning evil just didn't work, it looked like a comedy.

Having now seen the film, I love the new look, and the new film. I'm not usually fond of screen adaptations of Stephen King's work, the only ones I've liked are The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile which aren't really horrors. Most of them just don't work. I know I've only seen it once and am writing this liteally after getting back from the cinema, but I think It is already up there on my favourite movies list. It was that good.

It's been a couple of years since I read the book so my memory isn't as fresh as it could be, but it kept a lot of my favourite scenes and the plot flowed really well. I also prefer that it's been cut into two "chapters" - this film told the story of The Losers Club as kids, when they first discover It. The second will tell the story of when It comes back and they must fight it as adults. The book tells the two stories simultaneously, which works for a book, but not the screen which is where a lot of the original mini series issues lie as it confuses the plot.

I thought it was so well acted by the kids, often children in movies can just come across as obnoxious but everyone was perfect. And I love Pennywise, I'm not familiar with Bill Skarsgård's other work so this was my first introduction to him and I wasn't let down. Despite the previous concerns from other fans that he looked too threatening to appeal to the kids in the first place, he was charming when the role called for it. During the opening scene where he talks to Georgie, it was easy to see why he'd think to trust him. He was jovial and friendly and seemed like the fairground clown you'd expect, but with that ever underlying feeling that somethings off (and not just because he's in a drain!). And when he's haunting the characters he was feral, literally preying on them. His voice, his movements and mannerisms, everything was perfect. The CGI was really seamless to, it felt like he really was moving and elongating and transforming without a single thought of 'well that's not real'. Disbelief completely suspended.

There were the odd bits here and there that I felt could of been stronger or expanded on. Some of the characters could of been developed better (Henry and Mike especially), and I wish they'd spent some more time delving into the history of It and it's hold over Derry. I was so desperate for them to expand more on The Black Spot instead of brushing over it, of It's influence over the adults of the town instead of simply making it so they just can't see him. I also found the objectification of Beverly uncomfortable and how she was used as bait, and missed the overall importance of imagination. But overall there's so much the film gets just right and I'm really happy with it. I can't wait for chapter 2! And maybe with any luck they'll delve more into the horrors of Derry itself in that one (and I must re-read the book again!)