There's a peace the early brings

I took these photos a couple of weeks ago, when the weather was really miserable. It's actually my favourite kind of weather, where there are signs of spring all around - flowers popping up through the grass, buds on the trees. But the weather feels like autumn, with air that's still and wet with fog on every horizon. It's confusing, as I feel almost like I should be getting ready for the hibernation of winter again instead of preparing for summer. It's strange how the seasons are often more about the feelings it stirs inside us rather than the outside world. Autumn is my favourite season as it makes me feel nostalgic, although why exactly I can never put my finger on. I guess it's to do with new beginnings as it's hardwired into us from a young age that autumn is the start of a fresh academic year.

I took these photos with my DSLR, and I had thought about getting rid of this camera as I tend to favour my G7X Mark II with it's portability (or even my phone honestly). I'd forgotten how much I enjoy having full control over my pictures, of selecting the lens and the depth of field. Sometimes it's not about the pictures themselves, but the fun in taking them.

And take a giant step outside your mind

Yesterday I popped down to London to see Wicked for the first time in ages, and I can't tell you how much better I feel for having gone!

I had the whole day in London, and as I'm trying to tighten my belt a bit and felt a bit bored of only ever visiting the shopping districts I decided to go to the V&A as I haven't been since the Pink Floyd exhibition closed. I had thought to visit the Mary Quant exhibition that's just opened but tickets were sold out and it didn't end up mattering. I went upstairs to see the Theatre & Performance section and marveled at all of the Beatrix Potter illustrations I passed. And the theatre exhibition was fab and it's been so many years since I've seen it that it all felt new. And they had Elphaba's dress!! I knew that it was there but I'd completely forgotten so it was a really happy surprise turning the corner and stumbling across it. It's the original dress that Idina Menzel wore on Broadway which is pretty amazing, and seeing all of the details and rich colours up close was a joy. Even when I'm looking at it up on stage I've always been obsessed with just how colourful it is and how the stage lights play with the different fabrics. I would really love to make my own version of it someday for cosplay but I feel like I'd never be able to do it justice as it's just so intricate and carefully designed.

I popped to the V&A shop and just bought some EH Shepard postcards. I missed his exhibition, I knew it was on at the time but I ended up not getting round to it which I'm a bit disappointed about, but I really loved these postcards I managed to pick up. I love seeing his notes on them, seeing other illustrators rough workings is one of my favourite things.

After the V&A I walked up to Oxford Street which ended up being a bit further than I realised and slightly scary because of all of the protesting, but I wanted to go to the Disney Store. Almost the whole top floor is now adult merchandise which made me so happy! Also the fact that they're selling more than just boring t-shirts and hoodies like most companies (not everyone likes the athletic-leisure look!). I can really feel the Japanese influence trickling down at long last as they've sold this kind of stuff over there for years. I did buy a dress but it's ended up being too big, so I'm going to have to decide whether to take it back or alter it. I then made my way to Victoria by walking down the mall - I did so much walking and my feet are paying the price for it today, but it was such glorious weather it seemed a shame to take the tube and I was enjoying looking at everything after being away from London for a few months. It all felt new.

Seeing Wicked again affected me far more than I thought it would. I know I last saw it in November which isn't that long ago, but with everything that's happened it feels like an age. I got teary as soon as the music started, and it just made me feel like my old self again. I keep going on about wanting to reconnect with how I felt last year, and I realised that Wicked and the theatre is a huge part of that. It made me refocus and think about visiting Broadway and going to Japan and that I need to sort myself out instead of wasting opportunities. I need to think long term instead of instant gratification like I have been. I don't know what it is about this show that affects me like that, but it just makes me want to be a better person, achieve what I set out to do and go for my dreams. I just love this show so much, and I'm so glad I got to see it again and be reminded of all of this.

I like collecting magnets as a way of commemorating places I go and things I've seen. It's a cheap little memento, and I like to think that one day I'll have all of my memories covering my refrigerator so that I can always smile whenever I'm doing something as mundane as making a cup of tea. I didn't have the London specific one, and as I'll be seeing Wicked on Broadway in a few months (!) I want to make sure that I have a specific magnet for each.

What'll I do? What'll I do? What an unusual view!

I went to see Dumbo today, I'm still not completely sure what I thought of it but I guess it lived up to expectations? I should preface this by saying that the original animation is one of my favourite Disney movies of all time so I didn't have high hopes for this movie going in, but I was excited for it nonetheless as I love a good circus theme, I thought Danny DeVito was perfectly cast as the ringmaster, I was pleased to see Michael Keaton as he's been one of my favourite actors since I was a kid but he's been in a lot of lousy movies, and I thought the CGI of Dumbo looked well done. And to be fair all of those expectations were met: the vintage circus theming was great, DeVito and Keaton gave great performances, and even if the CGI was a bit overused in other parts of the move the elephants themselves were great. The first half of the movie I was actually really enjoying it, but then the second act happened and they went to Dreamland and it became the Dumbo sequel no one asked for, featuring 80% less Dumbo and focusing on a bunch of human characters I couldn't care less about. And because it focused so much less on Dumbo, it forgot the original film's observations of sadness, loneliness, and the bond between mother and child. Yes Dumbo got sad and missed his mum and a lot of the plot revolved around freeing Mrs Jumbo, but it lacked the emotional pull. Dumbo wasn't soul crushingly lonely because he had two bland kids who could barely act following him absolutely everywhere. He wasn't mocked and rejected by the other elephants in the circus because they weren't there. He had minimal interactions with his mother, and what he did have were rushed so their separation and reunion were lackluster. I know its its own movie and a remake has the right to exist in it's own context, that's a point I believe strongly and I think it's incredibly small minded to state that a story can't be revisited because a version already exists - people have the right to interpret a story in a way that's meaningful to them and retell that story in their own vision. But comparing it to the original is obviously a natural reaction, and for me it doesn't come close.

It had a lot of references to the original; Baby Mine was beautifully done although significantly shorter, I loved that they kept Casey Jr, that the stork visited Mrs Jumbo, they did include my main man Timothy even though just barely - I appreciated that the kids placed him next to Dumbo and stated that everybody needs a friend so the mouse (who was unnamed but wearing Timothy's iconic red jacket and hat) could be Dumbo's friend, and then they proceeded to feed the mouse peanuts. I loved how Danny Elfman wove elements of the original soundtrack into the new one - the film basically opened with an instrumental version of Casey, Jr, and OMG let me tell you about Pink Elephants on Parade! I know everyone always says this scene in the original is creepy nightmare fuel, and whilst I agree to an extent the sheer artistry of the animation in that scene has always held me spellbound and I love it. The scene existed in this movie too, but it was part of the circus act instead of being a drunk hallucination, and let me tell you it was PERFECT. I would watch the movie again for that scene alone, it was so beautifully done, the score was amazing, and Dumbo watching it awestruck from the wings was one of the purest scenes in the whole movie.

Overall I'm still not sure how I feel about it honestly. It had some beautifully done scenes, but I didn't appreciate how it had become so focused on the humans and moved away so much from Dumbo. I didn't like how the humans were talking to Dumbo and he could understand them - the humans are entirely separate in the original, mostly anonymous characters who barely exist in the animals world and they certainly don't communicate. Communication is such a huge theme in the original and is kind of the whole point of why Dumbo's mute, so allowing the humans to talk to him so easily lost that entire pathos to the story. Overall it just felt a bit messy, it got too sidetracked by what should of been the side plot, and lost track of what made the original so great in the first place and just doesn't possess the same magic and wonder. Which is pretty much what I expected of it going in.

I know Disney has quite a few releases coming up this year: there's the live action Aladdin which I'm excited for as I don't have any strong feelings about the original animation, and the new The Lion King which I'm dubious about as I do have strong feelings about the original. Then there's Toy Story 4 which I could't care much about to be perfectly honest as I feel like those characters are being stretched too far by now. And Frozen II at the end of the year which I'm VERY anxious about as the original is so very important to me and it's always nerve wracking having characters that hold such personal meaning being taken into new territory. What are you looking forward to most this year from Disney?

This end could be my start

I hope you all had a lovely holiday season! Personally I’m always a lot more excited by what comes next - New Year. I know it’s just a day like any other and time is a human construct, but I do love embracing things that signify clear endings and the feeling of a fresh start. And I’m feeling SO positive about 2019! So much so that I’ve been working on my 2019 planner throughout most of December. I love New Year as it provides the perfect opportunity to take stock, reflect, and see where you want to go forward.

I had a mixed 2018, but generally it was very positive and I feel so much stronger going into 2019. I began the year very insecure and unsure of myself, and I’m leaving it with a very strong sense of who I am and what path I want to take. I’ve spent most of my time since leaving uni in a period of self rediscovery, and it’s felt wonderful to re-engage with old interests and feel passionately about things again, and I'm learning to stop being ashamed of liking nice and innocent things. I’ve been moaning about finding my art style for years, and as soon as I stopped trying to find one and re-learned how to just draw for myself again and lose the feeling of everything I create having to be shared, I ended up finding my own style without even trying. And as a result I'm back to drawing regularly again after being stuck in an art block for years which feels wonderful!

In 2018 I also visited Naples and Rome by myself after having not traveled in years, and although it was a difficult trip it was so beneficial to me. I graduated art school with a BA Honours degree in Illustration and got a 1^st for my dissertation. I saw Roger Waters twice over my birthday and got to shake his hand at the end of the show. I can distinctly remember stating that it felt like the perfect way to not only celebrate my birthday, but also start a new chapter of my life after a sucky few years and I really didn't expect that to actually come true as it's since that point that things have only gone up and up. I saw Nick Mason in September, which meant I'd seen 2/3 of my favourite band live, and I went to the theatre in the West End 5 times in 4 months - seeing my favourite show Wicked 3 times, and seeing my original favourite show Les Mis for the first time in 7 years.

For 2019 I want to focus on saving money and getting to my ultimate dreams of living in the place I've always wanted to, and also visiting New York. I want to invest in myself instead of things. I also want to learn a new language, draw more, read more, and continue to throw myself into the things that I'm passionate about and stop feeling apologetic about it all and stay enthusiastic and true to myself and my heart. Most of all I want to stay optimistic, which is something I lost for a long time and aren't prepared to lose again.

Title: Catch Me If You Can - Goodbye

One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter

This dress was my latest make, something I finally got around to after the fabric sat in my stash for over a year! I was inspired by a really beautiful mushroom print dress I saw on Instagram, but when I looked it up and saw it cost £200 I thought yikes and found this fabric on Spoonflower to make my own.

A couple of weeks ago I learnt about the closing of Rookie and it got me on a real nostalgia kick. I admit I haven't read Rookie or even checked it's homepage for a few years, which was a really sad realisation as I used to love it. I discovered so many blogs through it's comment section of girls who were simultaneously so relatable whilst also feeling so much cooler than me! Blogging has changed so much in such a short space of time, and for me Rookie really encapsulated the best of it - when girls blogged like it was an online scrapbook, rather than the staged editorial style we get nowadays. So many of my favourite bloggers from back then have given up and no longer update, almost like a foreshadowing that Rookie would go the same way. Not that I'm one to talk, like I said I no longer read Rookie myself, but I found Tavi's final editorial letter moving as it's so easy to lose your voice and your authenticity online today. I've always thought of myself as an authentic blogger, but I realise I'm no where near as authentic as I used to be as I often find myself thinking that my blog needs to be more interesting - because being real doesn't qualify as 'interesting' anymore I suppose?

I dug out my Rookie yearbook 1 & 2, and bought 3 & 4 on eBay for a couple of quid. I always loved the aesthetic of these books, they're like big zines. It's weird reading back over them and realising how much Rookie taught me; it made me realise how universal so many of my experiences were and that there were people like me out there, and also that there are people that are different out there, and encouraged me to think more.

In the spirit of getting back to blogging like I used to, here's a playlist of songs I'm digging at the moment. For no reason other than I want to post it, which I need to get back to doing more of!

Evil is always more easily imagined than good, somehow

It's felt far too long since I last updated! November seemed to just run away with me, but mostly in the absolute best kind of ways. At least at the beginning of the month anyway, as I've had a chest infection for the past two weeks which has been less fun. But it has meant I've gotten to spend lots of lazy days indoors with plenty of tea and books.

Two weeks ago I traveled to London again although it feels like so much longer, I swear November has felt about a year long to me! I saw Wicked as usual, and also my other favourite musical Les Miserables. It was my 16th time seeing Les Mis in total, but the first time I'd seen it in years. The feelings hit me all at once as soon as the orchestra began the Prologue and I burst into tears. Wicked was of course as wonderful as ever, and it inspired me to finally finish the novel it's based on which had sat languishing under my bed for a few months. I don't want to give any spoilers, but lets just say I lost a fair bit of interest after one of my favourite characters was killed off (which I knew happened, but still!). Thankfully after the lull I ended up really enjoying the book, and although it's got it's slow points I'd definitely recommend it even if you're not a fan of the musical.

My artwork has been the biggest thing to keep me from social media this past month, and that's a sentence I'm actually really happy to say as it wasn't too long ago that I was in the deep dark depths of art block. A large portion of the month was spent on Folktale Week, an online Instagram art challenge that fit my interests too perfectly not to take part. I also finished a Wicked related piece that I had begun back before my surgery, and I also ended up feeling inspired to create a series of illustrations based on the main characters from, you guessed it, Wicked. It was purely born from my doodling Elphaba to see how she'd look in my style, and it grew from there. I'm really proud of how it came out though, and it's inspired me to order some products for my Etsy store at long last!

I mostly post my art adventures over on my instagram and my art blog if you'd like to stay updated!

Misty morning whisperings and gentle stirring sounds