Evil is always more easily imagined than good, somehow

It's absolutely no secret that I adore the musical Wicked, and as soon as I rediscovered it back in 2018 I was eager to read the book it's based on. I knew before going in that the book and the musical were almost completely different and that it was a lot deeper and darker, but I was excited nonetheless for any additional character development and to perhaps better understand elements of the musical that might otherwise be subtle or seem irrelevant (such as the Time Dragon! I never really realised the musical is supposed to be taking place inside the Time Dragon, I just thought it was a cool piece of stage design and that the cogs were for a more steampunk aesthetic. Turns out it serves a purpose!) Although I read the book a while ago now, I’ve been getting into BookTube and watching book reviews which made me want to put my own thoughts out there - especially as I want to start reading its sequel soon, so I want to preserve my thoughts before they get muddied by that! There will absolutely be spoilers ahead, so read at your own risk!

Also as a bit of a disclaimer if it wasn't obvious, but I can't help but make comparisons with the musical and view the book through that lens. Like I said, I knew they were different before I read it but I love the musical, it's my all time favourite, and I have a lot of personal history and meaning attached to it. In all honestly I doubt I'd of ever even read this book if I didn't, and I certainly wouldn't of persevered with it as much as I did without already having that interest and connection to the characters, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you get what you get!

For anyone who hasn't seen the musical or read the book and has decided to read this anyway with no idea what I'm talking about - Wicked: The Life and Times of The Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire is essentially a prequel to L Frank Baum's novel and the MGM movie The Wizard of Oz. It serves as an alternative take on the land of Oz, what went down before Dorothy dropped in, and gives a backstory and motivation to the Wicked Witch of the West (who is nameless in Baum's Oz but now named Elphaba after Baum's initials: LFB) and why the Wizard wanted her killed. Although The Wizard of Oz is family fun for all ages, the book of Wicked is very much an adult take on events.

The book is very political which I really loved and felt it perfectly matched the original Wizard of Oz books, as despite being seen as for children and nothing deeper Baum was very politically active and wrote them as social commentary for his own time so it feels appropriate that this should be updated to more modern issues: there’s the racism surrounding Fiyero and the general xenophobia of him being an indigenous “Winkie” (which is now a slur, the proper term is Vinkun and the Vinkuns themselves are all from various different tribes with their own cultures and languages so the proper term for Fiyero specifically is Arjiki. Although fictional, from the physical descriptions, the prejudice imposed on them, and the way their behaviour and cultures are described they’re clearly based on Native Americans, and the Vinkus is similar in terrain and landscape to the Great Plains). Elphaba is an Animal rights activist and becomes a full blown terrorist by joining a radical extremist group which blows up buildings in the Emerald City; there's a general sense of classism prevalent in Oz which is particularly noticeable when the characters are at Shiz University; Glinda is canonically gay and enters a marriage of convenience with a gay man to uphold both of their positions, the Wizard is an actual dictator, the prevalent use of Tik-Toks (which are robots basically) and the rise of technology and the paranoia that comes with that, religious divide, and that WHOLE SCENE at the Philosophy Club with the tiger orgy (yes you did read those two words right). Basically everything in the book is always a metaphor for something, which I'm not going to lie does get a little exhausting.

Throughout the book I both loved and hated Elphaba. Very little of the book is told from her point of view, and because of that she feels really elusive and we don’t really get to know her so she's difficult to connect with. Several elements of Elphaba's description are also a bit weird and don't make much sense and just felt like an excuse to make her extra strange and didn't really serve any purpose beyond that. When she’s born it’s implied that she’s intersex which is then never brought up again, and she has sharp teeth for reasons I don’t even know. It's just excuses to 'other' her more, and I wish it wasn’t there as it only makes her less human. The book does stick to the original Oz lore of Elphaba being burnt by water, and even makes the point of her tears burning her so she learns from a very young age to be emotionally detached because if she were to feel any extremes of any emotion and cry it would cause her severe physical pain and scar her face. Which explains a lot of her character and why she reacts the way she does when she loses Fiyero and was just a nice touch.

More than anything the book really made me fall in love with Fiyero and his relationship with Elphaba, and ever since reading it I’m annoyed by how badly he got shafted in the musical. I know there have to be some sacrifices due to run time, but still. He’s a huge catalyst between Elphaba and Glinda and deserves to be fleshed out at least a little. I also just wish that the musical had stuck to the very basic core of his character in that he’s an indigenous man trying to live in a white world, regularly the butt of casual racism and othered for his “ochre” skin colour (one of the characters literally says “I wouldn’t want skin the colour of shit” when referring to him, and Glinda is scandalized at rumours of her potentially dating him purely because he’s “dark skinned”) It’s a huge part of why he connects with Elphaba, aka the green woman who is also being discriminated against for her skin colour.

In terms of Fiyero it's also a very frustrating book. The narrative goes on and on about seemingly mundane details - we get about 10 pages describing a journey that offers no character development or movement of plot - but the death of Fiyero, a major central character, is just two paragraphs and one of the biggest events to happen in the whole book which is incredibly unsatisfying. Like, it's a major turning point to EVERYTHING that follows, why are you downplaying it??? Fiyero deserved so much better than that! Even Elphaba just gets one paragraph describing her death, and it began to feel like Maguire loved the world he'd created more than the characters themselves and Elphaba, Fiyero and Glinda were just a vehicle to introduce his own OCs to Baum’s Oz rather than because he had any real attachment to them. It's really annoying!

The second half of the book is the hardest to read, and in all honesty it's because it’s kind of boring. Elphaba is still in mourning for Fiyero and decides that she has to travel to his castle in the Vinkus to tell his wife Sarima that she had an affair with her husband, and it’s just kind of weird? I get her wanting to go somewhere to be closer to Fiyero and to see his family and what his life was like there, and I even understand her feeling some resentment at having the status of mistress and not being able to publicly grieve. But she’s openly hostile towards them, moves her own family in, and becomes hellbent on forcing Sarima to be friends with her because she wants her to trust her just so she can tell her she slept with her dead husband to ease her own conscience and it’s a lot and doesn’t make Elphaba in any way sympathetic or likable. Also compared to the preceding parts of the book which get really rushed over it’s tediously slow and the most drawn out. It’s the part of the book that I flat out disliked and it’s such a shame because I was super into it up to that point and was willing to overlook all of the negatives, but it really turns it from an incredible book to just so-so.

Overall this is one of the most exhausting books I've ever read and I was drained by the end and had to really force myself to get through the last 15 pages. Not because it was necessarily dull, it's just so much, all of the time. After Fiyero dies I had to actually put it down for a few weeks as that scene was so impactful for me and really broke my heart, and because it’s only glossed over you're never given time to process it. I guess it’s perhaps to represent the mystery Elphaba feels surrounding what happened, but it also means that even the reader isn’t sure. That’s really one aspect that I love the musical for and that they did right with Fiyero's character. I get that turning him into the Scarecrow creates some timeline issues within the entire Oz lore, and yeah it definitely gives it that fantasy fairytale ending, but I hate that the book essentially creates a mystery and gives the reader hope that Fiyero might be alive only to never deliver on that and just have it fizzle out. Although many criticize the happy ending of the musical, I’m not sure the gloomy “everyone's dead and that’s that” is any better, it feels kind of fake deep like when you’re trying to be an edgy nihilistic teenager. Whereas the musical is bittersweet: Elphaba has to leave and can’t tell her closest friend that she’s not dead so Glinda is forever racked with the guilt of not being able to save her friend and having to watch everyone rejoice while she’s hurting, and Fiyero has lost his actual body and sacrificed his position as Prince, his familial ties, and you know, BEING A HUMAN just to save Elphaba’s life so that they can be together. I don’t call that the happy ending that people seem to make out, and it’s one of the things I love about the musical as behind its catchy bops it’s often heartbreaking.

So for me the musical does have a better ending than the book, which slowly builds to this thing that you know is going to happen (Dorothy killing the witch) which Maguire rushes over like he did all of the other major plot points and it becomes really unsatisfying because it’s such a slog to get there and then it just ends. And if I'm going to read a sequel I’d much rather it be about Elphaba and a scarecrow version of Fiyero trying to rebuild their lives with all of the trauma they’ve both been through both individually and together and essentially going on the run together from a dictatorship led country, than about their illegitimate child Liir who I never really gave a damn about to begin with and why it’s taken until now for me to even have the inclination to pick up the next book in the series.

"'People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us.' he sighed. 'It's the people who claim that they're good, or anyway better than the rest of us that you have to be wary of.'"

Throughout the book I often found Maguire's writing to be a bit self-indulgent and needlessly vague. He creates these complex, deep characters and then refuses to fully reveal them, he sets up subplots that don't seem to go anywhere. He created a fully-developed world with a political scheme, mythology, and socioeconomic structure, then forces you to try and guess at what is happening with it based on his chosen narrator's limited point of view. And yet despite all that it's also one of those books that sticks with you and I have to give it credit for that. Despite my frustrations with it, it's a very emotional book, and although I love the musical far more than I will ever love this I did enjoy the book too. Gregory Maguire's writing and use of emotion absolutely shattered my heart in a way that no other book has before, and there are elements of the book that I outright prefer to the musical, particularly in some of the characterizations *cough*Fiyero*cough*. I appreciate how it helped me to understand this version of Oz, it's politics, and the plight of the Animals better than what’s explained in the musical, and it gave me a much deeper appreciation for these characters that mean so much to me, and their motivations and character arcs. So it's definitely worth reading for me just for that, and I will re-read it again at some point - or at least the first half! It's actually a book that I think would make a really great movie or TV series, and I just hope that the musical doesn't overshadow it too much from ever happening! 

“You must go on a long journey before you can really find out how wonderful home is.”

It's slowly feeling more and more autumnal here and I can feel myself approaching my hibernation phase. Oh to be a bear! As I can't sleep all winter I've done the next best thing and have mostly been holed up with my illustration work and crafts.

I've been re-watching one of my favorite TV shows, BrainDead, which I realized I'd last seen two years ago in 2018! I'm having to use the US Amazon to stream it (thanks VPN!) as I guess because it's currently topical with the US elections that they've started charging to watch it on most platforms when it used to be free. Because it's been a while I'd forgotten some of the finer details of the show, and it really is hilariously funny. If you're into political satire I can't recommend it enough!

I finally finished my Snow Queen project which I've written about in great detail over here on my art blog along with all six of the finished pieces. It's been a lot of work as I was bubbling over with ideas during lockdown and am still playing catch up and digitally painting it all. I'm feeling a bit done with it all to be honest and am itching to work on something new but I still have about 8 different illustrations to finish.

I'm still working on my sketchbook, I drew these two portraits with ballpoint pen last weekend. I'd watched Joker for the first time since I'd seen it at the cinema and met it's director Todd Phillips, and that whole thing was just such an experience that I was worried my very non-cinema sized screen would diminish the memory somehow. And also it's just that feeling of wanting to savor your favorite things instead of over watching it, you know? It inspired me to draw the character though. When I draw I don't really see the whole thing as I just focus on the tiny bit I'm currently working on, and it's always such a wonderful feeling when I mentally 'zoom out' and see how it's all come together! I'm tempted to paint the drops of blood on his face and perhaps the clown make up too, but I'm worried about spoiling it and losing some of the detail.

I also drew Aaron Tveit because of watching BrainDead which he's one of the main characters in (and is the whole reason I ever watched it in the first place, let's be honest).

This is what I'm currently working on in my sketchbook, using actual paint for a change. I've been itching to draw something from Wicked - I remember seeing it several times a year, and how inspired I'd feel at the end of each performance and I miss that feeling so much! I dug out my old sketchbook to look at some thumbnails I'd messily sketched out in my car on the way home from London before I forgot, and this was one of the them so I decided to finally give it a go. I was a little worried the perspective wouldn't work, but it was one of those rare moments where the image in your head comes out exactly as you want it too! I love using gouache as it's so satisfyingly matte and flat once it's dry, and I can't wait to see how this painting progresses. I'm using a different sketchbook to my usual brand, and I do really miss my old one but I'm also enjoying being able to use more materials and paint in it. The only issue I really have is that because the paper is so much nicer I'm struggling to really fill it up as I don't want to 'waste' it - which is generally why I steer away from fancy sketchbooks in the first place!

I've also been working on my memory journal, currently creating a spread for BrainDead as I like to record things I've enjoyed. I've also fallen down a rabbit hole of watching people journal on YouTube which is incredibly addictive! Including k-pop journals, which really isn't my thing but I just love their enthusiasm and I admire it really. When I was a teenager it was a period where being passionate about anything was sneered at, particularly if you were a girl, and it's something that really stuck with me and made it difficult for me to express my interests as I constantly felt like I had to dial myself down to fit in, and I'm still trying to unlearn all of that. So although I don't like the topic personally I really admire how unabashed these girls are, and how creative it makes them! Creating journals and scrapbooks of things you like is nothing new, people have been doing it since the 1950s, but it's become much more aesthetic now and I love that. And it's just really fun keeping track of stuff you're watching, which songs you're particularly into right now, and your general feelings on it all. Our interests shape who we are so much that it makes sense to have a place to record it in a creative way.

This was not as nice as I'd hoped but I liked the packaging!

Otherwise I've mostly been trying to keep up with all of my other hobbies. The trouble with having so many is that there's always something to do, which is a blessing as I've never been bored in my whole entire life, but I can get a bit overwhelmed at how much I want to do and how few hours there are in the day! I'm currently trying to get back on track with reading as it's a hobby I've really struggled with over the years as the computer and other such devices have stolen my attention span, and I've actually settled into a great book after a few duds and feel like I've rediscovered the joy of reading again which feels so wonderful! I've also developed little habits like carrying my Kindle in my hand when I'm commuting to and from work which encourages me to snatch little moments when I'm waiting on the platform instead of waiting to pull it out of my backpack when I'm on the train if at all.

I'm also halfway through a knitting project, which I didn't take any photos of as it's not very exciting to look at right now on the needles, but it's a triangle shape and learning how to shape knitted items feels pretty exciting as I'm still a beginner. And I've taken up hand sewing after discovering Bernadette Banner's channel over summer. I've sewed for years, I've made many of my own clothes, I even studied dressmaking up to college level and considered making it my career and continuing it to university. But as much as I love the finished result of owning the things that I've sewn, I always venimently hated the actual process of sewing and it's just a means to an end, and often a very frustrating one that I try and rush through which no doubt only adds to the stress! So seeing Bernadette hand sew full clothing garments kind of blew my mind as I've always associated hand sewing with mending or finishing a hem. I was particularly inspired by her Lady Sherlock waistcoat and decided to attempt it for myself, although in a much different fabric as the Victorian era isn't really my vibe so I've also had that on the go in the background. I've loved seeing it slowly take structure as I quietly sit with it on my lap in front of a movie rather than hunching over a sewing machine, and it's gotten me thinking about all kinds of things I want to sew next! I'm planning a trip to Tokyo's fabric district in a few weeks and I can hardly wait.

With this perfect finale, the cheers and the ballyhoo

I saw Wicked yesterday as I imagine it's going to be a long while until I get to see it again. And although I obviously enjoyed it, I'm happy to say that I'm content to take a break. I still love it like always, but it's definitely veering into the familiar and I don't want to see it so often that it loses it's magic as it's such an important happy place for me.

Sat in my usual spot, second row right under the Time Dragon!

Lisa-Anne Wood was playing Glinda and she's fantastic, I'd not seen her before but I really loved everything about her performance. I never understand it when they hide away the better actors as the standby and I always appreciate getting to see them in the role - I hate when people complain about having to see a standby, it's a treat! Laura Pick is Elphaba now, she's been the standby Elphaba for years but Nikki Bentley had to suddenly drop out which is a huge shame as I think she's my favourite Elphaba I've ever seen and I hope she's OK. I'd seen Laura before when she covered for Alice Fearn so knew I was in good hands, and I'm so happy for her that she's the principal now as she's worked so long and hard at the role. Unfortunately I’m still really underwhelmed with Fiyero which is a shame, he's one of my favourite characters so it always hits me hard. I still really loved Kim Ismay as Madame Morrible, she looks like she’s chewing a wasp throughout the whole thing and I love how non pantomime-ish she is with the role as that's usually how I've seen the character portrayed. There's a new Boq and I really liked him too, he was was really cute how he was simpering after Glinda instead of coming across as creepy. It does bother me though that Boq is the only character that they regularly cast POC actors for, when Fiyero is canonically a person of colour and always played by a white guy. It would be so refreshing to see him correctly shown just once! Overall I really loved it though! I nearly cried at the end as it was just so perfect, and on my way home I couldn't help but wonder that, if my dreams end up coming true, whether this could be the last time I see it in London?

They had some new merch, so of course I had to get it. I particularly liked the shirt as it’s a line Mika samples in one of his records, so for me it’s like both of my interests in one! It also makes me laugh because I’m literally the biggest loner out there and have no concept of what it’s like to be Popular at all.

Otherwise I spent most of my trip running after my own tail a little bit, but I still enjoyed it! I went to Covent Garden and had a little wander round, and popped into Cath Kidston as I was debating whether to get any of their frog collection which I really like (I love frogs!), but they didn't have my size so I decided to head to the flagship store at Piccadilly. I stopped and got some scoops of ice cream from a market stall - salted caramel and raspberry sorbet and ate it on my walk over as the sun was actually pretty warm. I ended up getting the frog skirt from Cath Kidston with a surprise 10% off at the till, and then I walked to the Saatchi Gallery as on the Tube I'd seen a poster for a Tutankhamen exhibition and checking their website I couldn't see any mention of tickets so decided to head on over. I've been to the Saatchi before so expected that even if the exhibit was ticket only, at least they'd be other stuff to look at for free. Wrong! I walked 2 miles all the way there for nothing, it is ticket only and tickets were £25 and it's taken over the whole gallery. I feel like they should at least have advertised that fact on their poster! I was at a loss for what to do as I had an hour to kill but my feet were killing me. I considered going to the V&A but there was nothing I actually wanted to look at, so I jumped on the Tube instead and went to Foyles as it's one of my favourite places lately. I love the huge array of books they sell in that particular store, and there's just something comforting about bookshops in general, they're one of my favourite places.

Another year over, a new one just begun

I've always been really excited by New Year. I know it’s just a day like any other and time is a human construct, but I love anything that signifies clear endings and the feeling of a fresh start. 2019 has been a weird one overall and I've had a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. I've had some truly life changing experiences, but I've been battling myself a lot and been in a bit of a weird funk for the latter half. But at the same time I've got a pretty good idea of what I need to do to help myself, so I guess that's a pretty good place to be. I also think this time last year I was in such an optimistic place that it kind of skewed my expectations and made me look back on 2018 with rose coloured glasses, so this year could never compare which is ridiculous. Especially as a lot of amazing things have happened this year. The biggest of which was always going to be the fact that I finally achieved my life long dream of going to New York and seeing not one, but three shows on Broadway. I was also able to meet my favourite actor Aaron Tveit and he was everything I could of ever hoped he'd be (they say 'never meet your idols' but thankfully all of my experiences have been great ones so far!).

I also visited Disneyland Paris for the first time in years and had the best time meeting all of the characters around the park. I attended London Comic Con and dipped my toes into the world of cosplay, styling my own wig from scratch with no prior experience. I really made the most of travelling around my home country and visited Whitby, Liverpool, Manchester, York, Eden Camp, as well as multiple trips to London. I was able to go to the theatre 11 times in total, and saw Wicked x4, The Phantom of the Opera, Come From Away and High Fidelity in London, and Moulin Rouge x2, Wicked and Frozen on Broadway. I beat my anxiety and stage doored for the first time with the leaving cast of Wicked, a total on the whim moment as I only booked the ticket the day before.

I went down to London with my mum for my birthday and we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe two days after it opened without even knowing. I actually stuck with language learning and developed a pretty good grasp of Danish which has always been a lifetime goal of mine to be able to speak another language, but I never thought I had a head for it until I was able to prove myself wrong. I added lots of amazing things to my personal collections, especially Mika and Frozen. I completed two sketchbooks, and finished Inktober for the first time in my life. I went to the cinema more times than I ever have before in my entire life, 17 times in total (8 of which were just seeing Joker over and over, but still!) I even went to the cinema in France and saw my favourite movie in French.

Last year I wrote that I wanted to "continue to throw myself into the things that I'm passionate about and stop feeling apologetic about it all and stay enthusiastic and true to myself and my heart", and although my usual insecurity ate into that a bit, it's something I'm striving for in 2020 too as I believe having passion for what you enjoy and what you do is what will get you far in all aspects of life. Whilst I do have my long term goals that'll take a few years to happen, I'm starting 2020 much less sure of where I'll go than when I started 2019, but maybe that's OK. I may have less of a plan but I have plenty of options to try too, and that's pretty exciting!

You only have to read the lines, they're scribbly black and everything shines

I've been drawing a lot of portraits lately as I find it fun and it's good to draw things for me, but it's something I always feel a little unsure of sharing as although I'm proud of them I don't want people thinking it's part of my 'brand' as an illustrator. It's a whole side of art business that I struggle with honestly, as it feels nowadays like you have to have your one aesthetic and stick to it but I'd get so bored! And honestly I think it's good to be versatile. But saying that, I don't think I'd want to do portraits as commissions as it'd no doubt lead to drawing people I don't care about which wouldn't be fun for me, so I keep them as just a hobby.

I used to draw portraits quite a lot with pencils, but because I'm a perfectionist I hated them if they weren't super photo realistic and it really sucked the fun out of it. So last year I began drawing them with ballpoint pens, something that scared me silly at the beginning as it's so permanent so there's obviously no way of erasing if you make a mistake, but it's actually really liberating and I feel I've learnt a lot from being forced to work with my mistakes. Because these are just for fun, they're all in my sketchbook. The top is Joaquin Phoenix in Joker, as it's turned out to be my favourite movie of the year and I'm lowkey obsessed. Second is Mika which is my favourite of the three (look at those pinstripes!!), and lastly is Aaron Tveit which whilst I like, I had issues with my pen blobbing while I was drawing it (why do they do this though??)

And here's two other illustrations I've been working on. Above is from the Broadway adaptation of Moulin Rouge, and it's how they end Act 1 with Elephant Love Medley. I'm not keen on how the song has been reworked honestly, but visually it's amazing, and I had fun trying to translate specific people into my art style whilst still making it look like them, as usually I draw fictional characters so likeness isn't so important. And below is from the finale scene of Wicked, and uh, spoiler alert? But Fiyero gets turned into the Scarecrow and I've always felt like he gets vastly overlooked within fan circles when this is a huge thing he goes through and a major sacrifice. I've always felt particularly attached to Fiyero though after reading the novel, his character is a lot more developed in that so I guess if you haven't read it it's easy not to care about what happens to him as he doesn't have a lot of stage time.

Popular, I know about popular

I went down to London to see Wicked yesterday. It's my favourite musical, and I like to try and see it as often as I can but the last time was all the way back in August when I was in New York. I hadn't seen the current London cast at all as it changed back in July, and I really loved the previous cast so I was a little nervous but I really enjoyed it! Elphaba was especially amazing, possibly even my favourite?? Feels like a bold statement, but there were lots of little bits of her performance that she brought to Elphaba that really hit me emotionally that I've not seen other actresses do with the role. It was Nikki Bentley, I'll definitely be keeping an eye on other things she does too!

I didn't have any other plans for while I was in London other than a few specific stores I wanted to look in. I wanted to stock up on Leuchtturm sketchbooks as it's my go-to and they've changed the paper and binding method and I knew of a store with old stock, so I try and keep a collection going so I have back up. I also wanted to go to a HMV to see if they had anything Mika and if they had the Joker OST on vinyl (they didn't :( I've been waiting ages for it to be released and then I missed it!), and I wanted a new planner that I saw in Foyles when I was in London last time. It's based around goals and I love how this one has questions throughout it asking how you're on track, and each weekly spread has pre-printed habit trackers to fill in and stuff like that. I love organisation and keeping track and seeing my progress, so I think I'll really enjoy using this planner. I ended up walking 12 miles in all throughout the day, which is crazy!

New York, Part II

I was in New York for five full days, and so was able to see four shows while I was there (although three different ones, as I saw Moulin Rouge twice!) The first show I saw after arriving was Wicked which is my favourite musical. I'm a bit of an Oz nerd in general and really love the original L Frank Baum books, and I really love where Wicked has taken these characters and developed them (including the novel by Gregory Maguire, although I confess I've only read the first one as Elphaba and Fiyero aren't in the others...)

I was really glad I picked Wicked first as it felt kind of comforting and allowed me to ease in to the differences between Broadway and the West End. It also felt really special seeing my favourite musical in the theatre where it originally opened and as such the original production, or as close to. My first impression of the differences between Broadway and London was mostly just the sheer scale of the theatres themselves. London's theatres are obviously really old buildings, and because of this they're really small and can be really uncomfortable to sit in. The Apollo Victoria where Wicked is played is one of the largest theatres, and yet it's probably about half the size of the Gershwin. I was sitting third row from the stage in the orchestra/stalls and could stretch my legs out in front of me and had plenty of elbow room and it felt like a real novelty. What I do like about the Apollo Victoria though is that it's all green - the carpet, the chairs, it's all green because it's Wicked, and I was mildly disappointed that the Gershwin didn't go to that level of extra. Also from outside the Gershwin is pretty underwhelming - compare that to that, you know?

I was really happy to see that the London production is almost an exact replica. I don't know what I was expecting, but the only differences where things I already knew about. There were some really minor costume differences (Fiyero's collar on his green suit, Madame Morrible's bustle, really minor stuff that only a fanatic would notice), and obviously some minor staging differences just as the Gershwin stage is so much bigger. In Defying Gravity Elphaba and Glinda come up from a trap door which makes it feel more obvious that they're in an attic, and after Elphaba's levitating spell the broomstick rises up through the stage - I always expected this to be a better effect than London where it floats through the air from the wings, but it just looked like someone lifted it out of a trapdoor and was kind of underwhelming. The one thing I really did like about Broadway was Fiyero's entrance. In London Avaric pulls him in on a cart, whereas on Broadway Avaric is riding the Sawhorse, which probably seems like a small difference but it's pretty huge as it's a reference to Baum and foreshadows Fiyero becoming the Scarecrow and is just a really nice nod to the original Oz lore (and makes Avaric look more like a chauffeur than a man servant).

The other show I saw was Frozen, which is a Disney film that really means the world to me and simply calling it 'my favourite movie' sounds too lame for how strongly I feel about it. I never expected to have the opportunity to see this show when it opened, so you can imagine how excited I was!

The set design was really amazing, there was so much detailing in the wood carving around the stage and I loved how the lighting effects made it look like it had been frozen. So much of the design, both stage and costume, was inspired by traditional Norwegian and Sámi designs and I really love the whole vibe it gave the show. Because it's such high fantasy it gives it a grounded sense of realism. The Northern Lights were before the show, and Oaken's Store was during intermission. I sat first row of the mezzanine, right in the centre, which felt perfect as I was close enough to get the detail but far enough away to appreciate all of the lighting and staging effects, of which there are A LOT to create Elsa's powers.

Although I hadn't seen Frozen on stage before, I'm very familiar with the soundtrack as I listen to it more than the movie version (is it some kind of blasphemy to admit I perfer Caissie Levy to Idina Menzel? 😬) and it was such a buzz getting to see something that I know so well and hold so dear to me unfurl on stage in a new but familiar way. When Vuelie started, and for most of Let The Sun Shine On and Do You Want To Build A Snowman? I was actually crying because I just love Frozen so much and hearing and seeing it live just completely overwhelmed me.

Caissie Levy wasn't on that night and Elsa was performed by the understudy Charissa Hogeland. Her Elsa was very timid and soft spoken and it suited her perfectly (she also looked perfect in the costume, which I know isn't super important but I believed she was Elsa). Otherwise it was the regularly billed cast, and it was a real thrill seeing Patti Murin as Anna - she seems so much like Anna in real life and is so perfectly cast. From what I've seen of pictures and videos I wasn't sure how I felt about Olaf and Sven - they work as puppets and it mostly looks kind of dumb, but I have to say actually seeing it on stage it totally works. Olaf was really endearing and Ryann Redmond completely disappeared, I kept trying to watch her but my eyes kept drifting to the snowman she was operating.

My only gripes were with Kristoff and Hans, which is a shame as I'd had high hopes from listening to their additional songs on the soundtrack that they'd been better developed (and I must add that my disappointment had nothing to do with the actors who were both amazing, but the way the characters have been written for the stage). The reason why the characters in the movie are so popular is because they're so complex and realistic for it. Kristoff is kind of an asshole to Anna when he first meets her and really doesn't care about her plight - and when you consider that he's a indigenous Sámi man who's been ostracized his whole life, why would he? Him gradually learning to care for Anna is his main character development, and so it just felt really out of character in the musical for him to almost force Anna into accepting his help, and they just tried too hard to make him the typical 'Prince-Charming, look-how-helpful-I-am-there's-nothing-bad-about me' character and so he lacked any depth and didn't really develop as a result. He was just boring.

And then there's Hans. Prince Hans, along with Elsa, is my favourite character from Frozen. He is one of the most intriguing yet cheaply used characters Disney have ever created, which is a big part of why he's so polarising to audiences. I could write a whole essay on how complex a character Hans is due to him being morally grey, a victim of abuse, and Elsa's one true equal. I love the song's they've given Hans in the musical which I think is what got me so hopeful he'd had a better treatment than the movie gave him, and I fully accept that there's many subtleties that can be provided in film that just won't come across on stage and so things need to be stripped back. I get that. BUT HE HAD NO GLOVES. I know how absurd that sounds, but it was the first thing I noticed when his character came out on stage. Gloves are HUGE symbolism in Frozen, Elsa is forced to wear them to conceal her powers and true feelings, it's Anna removing Elsa's glove that causes her to freak out and freeze Arendelle, and she removes her other glove as she's fully liberated in Let It Go. All of these details are still in the stage show!! It's still important symbolism!! So why isn't Hans wearing his freaking gloves??? He is the only character other than Elsa to wear gloves, and the only time he removes one is when he reveals his true intentions to Anna and thus shows his true self like Elsa does earlier in the story. His gloves are a major part of the plot!! Of his character development!!! Also his lines are so rushed. It's clearly the direction, but during the reveal scene he barely draws breath between saying "True loves kiss!" and "Oh Anna, if only there was someone who loved you" and then he just launches into his spiel unfurling his whole plan, and it's just like, do you wanna let the audience take a moment to let any of this sink in?? Also his coat bothered me too. It's basically the same as the Arendelle guards, just with extra cape layers to single him out from the ensemble. In the movie he wears his own coat in his own colours with his own insignia, which marks him as the outlier. It just felt really lazy from the costume department and direction, and it hurt a lot as he's a character that means so much to me. He deserves better, and it was such a letdown as his additional songs are so awesome. I must stress that it was an amazing show though! The whole cast were fantastic, and if you're not as emotionally invested into the characters as I am I'm sure you won't even understand what I'm upset about.

And the things I collected!

The emotion it was electric, and the stars they all aligned

I ended up breaking my self imposed 'no theatre until NYC' rule and went to see Wicked on Saturday as several members of the cast were leaving. I wasn't originally going to go to their final show, but decided last minute that I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by and bought a ticket literally the day before.

I've grown really attached to this cast, and have seen them 6 times in total over the past 10 months. They're the cast I've seen whilst I truly fell in love with Wicked, and a lot of their portrayals are no doubt tangled up in my own interpretations of the characters themselves. Wicked and the world of Oz in general have really helped me to find my way out of a dark spot and rediscover myself and my interests, and this cast has been a big part of that journey. Back in September of last year I'd been reveling in the Wicked OBC and L Frank Baum's original novels, and although I'd seen Wicked 8 years before, back then I wasn't really a fan of it and couldn't remember much. I hadn't been to the theatre in years when I decided to go again and it felt like finding my way home. And it was this cast, and I can't thank them enough. Wicked is something that came into my life just when I needed it most, and this cast change feels almost like the end of a chapter. Not of Wicked of course, I can't imagine that, but I guess of that period of my life and the changes that are about to come.

As my booking was so last minute there weren't many seats left to choose from, so I was sat further back in the stalls than usual but it was quite nice actually. I definitely prefer being up near the front, it's just so immersive you completely forget about everyone else in the theatre and there are so many small details you just can't see further back. People kept going to the toilet and the ushers were wandering round and it was all a bit distracting this time, but I liked that I got to fully appreciate details in the set and lighting design that I usually don't notice from up close. Like the Time Dragon, I never realised that he moved so much throughout the show, I was only aware of him being used at the beginning of each act before. And a lot of things were clearer from further away, like the tornado and Dorothy's house flying past, details I was aware of but are much blurrier up close and make much more sense from a distance.

The best part of it though was definitely the atmosphere from the audience. We're generally a bit reserved in this country so I wasn't expecting much, but people were really wooping and there was thunderous applause at the end of basically every song and for Glinda and Elphaba's entrances. It really made it special and I was so glad to be there and get to experience it all first hand, it was definitely a show like no other. They also gave speeches at the end, and it was difficult not to tear up along with them, it was all just really emotional.

I was hoping to stage door and took my programme and a Sharpie with me for the occasion. I've never stage doored before due to anxiety so I really wasn't sure what to expect, but I'm really glad I did it. It was crazy busy as everyone had the same idea, and I was second row back so didn't want to bother too many people asking for photos as it was difficult. Sophie (Glinda) was kind enough to take one high enough to get me in it, and by the time Alice (Elphaba) came along people were leaving after they'd met her so it spaced out a little and I was able to get a nice shot. And it wasn't anywhere as awkward as I'd feared, it was literally just saying hello, asking to sign, I loved your performance, thank you, etc, it was so fast paced there wasn't even time for much else. So if like me you've always been too scared, don't be, there's honestly nothing to it and everyone was so lovely!

I'm so glad I made the last minute decision to go and didn't miss this experience! And the next time I see Wicked will be at the Gershwin Theatre in New York where the show first opened, which just feels so surreal to me right now!

My future is unlimited

At the end of May I went down to London for MCM Comic Con, which I hadn't been to since 2011 I think? Cosplay is something I've often been intrigued by and dipped my toe into now and then, I think it's an obvious hobby with me being a bit of a nerd about my interests and being a dress maker and overall crafty type. Confidence is what I lack, but I figured I'd never have any if I didn't force myself out of my comfort zone, so that's what I did.

I had intended to go as Coronation Elsa, but the weather ended up being far too warm so last minute I switched to a more casual Elsa look with my Secret Honey set and a wig I styled myself. I think it was a good choice as having a more casual outfit stopped me feeling quite so anxious about the whole thing, but it was obvious enough as a cosplay that little girls gasped when they saw me (always a wonderful feeling that makes me truly feel like the character!)

I came home brimming with future cosplay ideas, including cross-play which isn't an idea I'd even really thought of before for some reason? I don't know why, I guess I just felt like because I'm a girl I have to stick to female characters, but I saw some wonderful female cosplayers convincingly portraying male characters and felt inspired! It's definitely brand new territory, but something I'd really love to explore.

Although I only went to Comic Con on the Saturday, I made a whole weekend of the trip. On Friday I saw Come From Away which I actually went into completely blind and hadn't even listened to the soundtrack before, but I wanted to see something and knew it got rave reviews and nothing else grabbed me. Saturday after Comic Con I quickly nipped back to my hotel to de-Elsafy myself before going to see Wicked. It'll probably be my last time seeing it for a little while, and so my last time seeing the current cast who I really love which felt a bit sad. I also got to see Chris Jarman play the Wizard, who was fantastic! The next time I see Wicked will be at the Gershwin Theatre in New York, which feels beyond surreal!

I can't resist taking a thousand photos of the Time Dragon every time, I love the set design for Wicked so much!

Sunday was a pretty chilled out day and I spent most of it with my sketchbook. I did some sketching in the museums, then sat in Starbucks and watched the city go by while I finished off some Wicked illustrations as I felt inspired after seeing it again. I found Comic Con hugely inspiring as well, as it got me thinking about translating my work into products and what might work. I'm working on expanding my Wicked character set and I plan on turning them into key ring charms and sticker sheets - I've already got Boq and Nessarose sketched out.

title // Wicked - The Wizard and I

And take a giant step outside your mind

Yesterday I popped down to London to see Wicked for the first time in ages, and I can't tell you how much better I feel for having gone!

I had the whole day in London, and as I'm trying to tighten my belt a bit and felt a bit bored of only ever visiting the shopping districts I decided to go to the V&A as I haven't been since the Pink Floyd exhibition closed. I had thought to visit the Mary Quant exhibition that's just opened but tickets were sold out and it didn't end up mattering. I went upstairs to see the Theatre & Performance section and marveled at all of the Beatrix Potter illustrations I passed. And the theatre exhibition was fab and it's been so many years since I've seen it that it all felt new. And they had Elphaba's dress!! I knew that it was there but I'd completely forgotten so it was a really happy surprise turning the corner and stumbling across it. It's the original dress that Idina Menzel wore on Broadway which is pretty amazing, and seeing all of the details and rich colours up close was a joy. Even when I'm looking at it up on stage I've always been obsessed with just how colourful it is and how the stage lights play with the different fabrics. I would really love to make my own version of it someday for cosplay but I feel like I'd never be able to do it justice as it's just so intricate and carefully designed.

I popped to the V&A shop and just bought some EH Shepard postcards. I missed his exhibition, I knew it was on at the time but I ended up not getting round to it which I'm a bit disappointed about, but I really loved these postcards I managed to pick up. I love seeing his notes on them, seeing other illustrators rough workings is one of my favourite things.

After the V&A I walked up to Oxford Street which ended up being a bit further than I realised and slightly scary because of all of the protesting, but I wanted to go to the Disney Store. Almost the whole top floor is now adult merchandise which made me so happy! Also the fact that they're selling more than just boring t-shirts and hoodies like most companies (not everyone likes the athletic-leisure look!). I can really feel the Japanese influence trickling down at long last as they've sold this kind of stuff over there for years. I did buy a dress but it's ended up being too big, so I'm going to have to decide whether to take it back or alter it. I then made my way to Victoria by walking down the mall - I did so much walking and my feet are paying the price for it today, but it was such glorious weather it seemed a shame to take the tube and I was enjoying looking at everything after being away from London for a few months. It all felt new.

Seeing Wicked again affected me far more than I thought it would. I know I last saw it in November which isn't that long ago, but with everything that's happened it feels like an age. I got teary as soon as the music started, and it just made me feel like my old self again. I keep going on about wanting to reconnect with how I felt last year, and I realised that Wicked and the theatre is a huge part of that. It made me refocus and think about visiting Broadway and going to Japan and that I need to sort myself out instead of wasting opportunities. I need to think long term instead of instant gratification like I have been. I don't know what it is about this show that affects me like that, but it just makes me want to be a better person, achieve what I set out to do and go for my dreams. I just love this show so much, and I'm so glad I got to see it again and be reminded of all of this.

I like collecting magnets as a way of commemorating places I go and things I've seen. It's a cheap little memento, and I like to think that one day I'll have all of my memories covering my refrigerator so that I can always smile whenever I'm doing something as mundane as making a cup of tea. I didn't have the London specific one, and as I'll be seeing Wicked on Broadway in a few months (!) I want to make sure that I have a specific magnet for each.

Evil is always more easily imagined than good, somehow

It's felt far too long since I last updated! November seemed to just run away with me, but mostly in the absolute best kind of ways. At least at the beginning of the month anyway, as I've had a chest infection for the past two weeks which has been less fun. But it has meant I've gotten to spend lots of lazy days indoors with plenty of tea and books.

Two weeks ago I traveled to London again although it feels like so much longer, I swear November has felt about a year long to me! I saw Wicked as usual, and also my other favourite musical Les Miserables. It was my 16th time seeing Les Mis in total, but the first time I'd seen it in years. The feelings hit me all at once as soon as the orchestra began the Prologue and I burst into tears. Wicked was of course as wonderful as ever, and it inspired me to finally finish the novel it's based on which had sat languishing under my bed for a few months. I don't want to give any spoilers, but lets just say I lost a fair bit of interest after one of my favourite characters was killed off (which I knew happened, but still!). Thankfully after the lull I ended up really enjoying the book, and although it's got it's slow points I'd definitely recommend it even if you're not a fan of the musical.

My artwork has been the biggest thing to keep me from social media this past month, and that's a sentence I'm actually really happy to say as it wasn't too long ago that I was in the deep dark depths of art block. A large portion of the month was spent on Folktale Week, an online Instagram art challenge that fit my interests too perfectly not to take part. I also finished a Wicked related piece that I had begun back before my surgery, and I also ended up feeling inspired to create a series of illustrations based on the main characters from, you guessed it, Wicked. It was purely born from my doodling Elphaba to see how she'd look in my style, and it grew from there. I'm really proud of how it came out though, and it's inspired me to order some products for my Etsy store at long last!

I mostly post my art adventures over on my instagram and my art blog if you'd like to stay updated!