One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter

This dress was my latest make, something I finally got around to after the fabric sat in my stash for over a year! I was inspired by a really beautiful mushroom print dress I saw on Instagram, but when I looked it up and saw it cost £200 I thought yikes and found this fabric on Spoonflower to make my own.

A couple of weeks ago I learnt about the closing of Rookie and it got me on a real nostalgia kick. I admit I haven't read Rookie or even checked it's homepage for a few years, which was a really sad realisation as I used to love it. I discovered so many blogs through it's comment section of girls who were simultaneously so relatable whilst also feeling so much cooler than me! Blogging has changed so much in such a short space of time, and for me Rookie really encapsulated the best of it - when girls blogged like it was an online scrapbook, rather than the staged editorial style we get nowadays. So many of my favourite bloggers from back then have given up and no longer update, almost like a foreshadowing that Rookie would go the same way. Not that I'm one to talk, like I said I no longer read Rookie myself, but I found Tavi's final editorial letter moving as it's so easy to lose your voice and your authenticity online today. I've always thought of myself as an authentic blogger, but I realise I'm no where near as authentic as I used to be as I often find myself thinking that my blog needs to be more interesting - because being real doesn't qualify as 'interesting' anymore I suppose?

I dug out my Rookie yearbook 1 & 2, and bought 3 & 4 on eBay for a couple of quid. I always loved the aesthetic of these books, they're like big zines. It's weird reading back over them and realising how much Rookie taught me; it made me realise how universal so many of my experiences were and that there were people like me out there, and also that there are people that are different out there, and encouraged me to think more.

In the spirit of getting back to blogging like I used to, here's a playlist of songs I'm digging at the moment. For no reason other than I want to post it, which I need to get back to doing more of!

Evil is always more easily imagined than good, somehow

It's felt far too long since I last updated! November seemed to just run away with me, but mostly in the absolute best kind of ways. At least at the beginning of the month anyway, as I've had a chest infection for the past two weeks which has been less fun. But it has meant I've gotten to spend lots of lazy days indoors with plenty of tea and books.

Two weeks ago I traveled to London again although it feels like so much longer, I swear November has felt about a year long to me! I saw Wicked as usual, and also my other favourite musical Les Miserables. It was my 16th time seeing Les Mis in total, but the first time I'd seen it in years. The feelings hit me all at once as soon as the orchestra began the Prologue and I burst into tears. Wicked was of course as wonderful as ever, and it inspired me to finally finish the novel it's based on which had sat languishing under my bed for a few months. I don't want to give any spoilers, but lets just say I lost a fair bit of interest after one of my favourite characters was killed off (which I knew happened, but still!). Thankfully after the lull I ended up really enjoying the book, and although it's got it's slow points I'd definitely recommend it even if you're not a fan of the musical.

My artwork has been the biggest thing to keep me from social media this past month, and that's a sentence I'm actually really happy to say as it wasn't too long ago that I was in the deep dark depths of art block. A large portion of the month was spent on Folktale Week, an online Instagram art challenge that fit my interests too perfectly not to take part. I also finished a Wicked related piece that I had begun back before my surgery, and I also ended up feeling inspired to create a series of illustrations based on the main characters from, you guessed it, Wicked. It was purely born from my doodling Elphaba to see how she'd look in my style, and it grew from there. I'm really proud of how it came out though, and it's inspired me to order some products for my Etsy store at long last!

I mostly post my art adventures over on my instagram and my art blog if you'd like to stay updated!

Misty morning whisperings and gentle stirring sounds

Must be the season of the witch

Winter has well and truly blown itself in, it feels as though the seasons changed over night and these photos in the autumn sun suddenly feel much longer ago than they were!

I don’t really feel like I have a lot to share lately as my October has mostly been spent recuperating, whilst planning for some personal projects which I hope to complete by the end of the year and working towards the bigger picture. I’ve been setting up lots of little goals for myself to reach with a timeline in mind, not something I’m usually down for as I feel like I’m setting myself up for disappointment but I’m feeling incredibly motivated at the moment and my thoughts have never been clearer to me. I just hope I can stick to it and don’t lose track of it all, hence the goals.

It’s so easy to get sucked into the comfort of a mundane routine and forget to push yourself to grow further, but I don’t want to get trapped in fantasies of “what if”s and “one day”s, I want to make them a reality sooner rather than later. I’m not sure where I want to end up and what the ultimate ambition is yet, but maybe that’s half the fun. I’d rather just enjoy the journey and work away at the littler things and see where I end up than wait around until I’ve worked everything out - assuming that ever even happens! One thing I've definately learnt as I've gotten older is that there's no point planning too far ahead as you really don't know where life will take you.

dress and underskirt - axes femme / blouse - ebay / boots - new look / cape - 1970s vintage

You can learn a lot of things from the flowers

I took these photos about a month ago, I can never resist sunflowers. Did you notice that my dress is covered in Moomin characters? I love a bit of subtle whimsy. The autumn colours have been amazing this year, although I do wish that they'd hold on for just a tiny bit longer. I've begun taking my camera out with me everyday as it's been so different from day to day.

Eyes take heed the colours call

Back over the summer I bought a secondhand film camera as I've always enjoyed photography but have felt inspired to try more film. I've been feeling jaded with digital, and how I feel more focused with taking 10 shots of the same thing to get a perfect photo instead of just enjoying seeing. Although I know how to manually adjust a camera I'm still getting the hang of my Olympus OM-10 as previously I've only ever used disposable film cameras. This was my first roll of film, and I'm actually pleased with how it's come out! I'm hoping to perhaps shoot a roll and film a month, but I guess we'll see as it's pretty expensive to get film developed nowadays (and I don't foresee using the medium enough to invest in self developing)

Social media is becoming less and less sociable

Although the glorious sunny weather of today does match these photos, I admit I took them a couple of weeks ago but have been too busy to sit and type out a post until now. I had surgery on my dominant arm this past Friday to remove a plate that was holding it together, so I've had a busy couple of weeks trying to do everything I could in preparation for not being able to do a lot.

The most difficult part of having to have such an inactive October is the fact that I feel like I'm missing out on my favourite season. I'm incredibly limited at the moment as my forearm is full of holes so could snap very easily which is a scary thought! I can't even draw which I'm definitely finding the hardest. Not that I haven't gone for longer than this without drawing before, but I've recently come out of a period of art block and so typically am feeling incredibly inspired at the moment. I feel so much happier with the artwork I'm creating, and although skill and style-wise I'm not where I'd ideally like to be, just feeling inspired to do something about that is pretty huge for me.

dress - emily temple cute | underskirt - axes femme | boots - new look | necklace - bunnyhell | all else thrifted

I've been devouring TheGothicAlice's sketchbook tour videos, a genre of YouTube video that I usually detest as they're usually so unrealistic and impractical with perfectly curated finalised illustrations on every page. Sketchbooks are supposed to be messy, to be full of ideas and experimentation, and that's exactly what TheGothicAlice's are - something personal that she carries around daily and treats just as much like a journal as a sketchbook. It's got me itching to return to drawing everyday like I used to and stopped me from feeling so intimidated by it's blank pages as I loose that toxic idea that it has to be perfect and cohesive for some imaginary audience to enjoy. This feeling of wanting to draw every day has only been reinforced by re-watching Leigh Ellexson's videos about her 365 project where she drew every day and seeing how much it improved her artwork. I really want to do something similar, but not to share online like she did, just keep it for me. I know I lose a sense of accountability this way, but I'm rather tired of this modern idea that everything a creative makes has to be shared and put up for public opinion and consumption.

Internet culture has tricked us into believing we must create for attention. But that only leads to unhappiness & disappointment. Create stuff because you HAVE to. Because you love it. Because you're utterly fascinated. Create like no-one is watching. 💃

— Holly Exley (@hollyexley) June 12, 2018

I've been thinking a lot about internet culture lately, and the unsocialness of social media. I remember a few years ago my favourite blogger switched off comments to her blog and at the time I felt completely perplexed - her blog was popular and received hundreds of comments to each entry, it blew my mind that she wouldn't want that. But now I get it, as I realise that social media isn't as sociable as we're lead to believe. It's become warped into this attention seeking space, as if attention and interaction are the same thing which it isn’t. Wanting to express yourself and share your interests with potentially like minded people doesn’t mean you want to open yourself up to unsolicited advice and people making assumptions based on the slither of yourself you present online. The actual community aspect of social media is rapidly disappearing and I’ve grown weary of the constant bids for attention that come with being online. Internet culture has us in constant competition with each other, instead of just befriending one another.

I've been just as guilty of this in the past as I've suffered with feelings of impostor syndrome and have sought validation online. I mentioned before how I've spent the past few months rediscovering some old interests and passions which has made me feel happier than I have in absolutely years (which is no doubt why the art block has lifted!). And a rather nice side effect of rediscovering this old part of my life is that it's making me even more nostalgic than usual for the internet of old and reminding me of online life before ‘influencers’ and follower counts mattered, when we’d interact on forums and support each other with no 'follow for follow' ulterior motive (I long for the days of forums with tight knit fan communities and intricately crafted graphics; back when we'd self-learn HTML and PHP just to build fan sites from scratch, and spend hours creating icons and graphics for LiveJournal). Whilst I may not be able to regress the internet back 6 years, I think a lot of my happiness is stemming from this nostalgia and losing the absurd need try and impress anyone. I've learnt to stop caring as I'm no longer looking for popularity or validation, I'm not looking to be the best, or the biggest fan, or anything like that, I'm just enjoying stuff that I'm absurdly passionate about again. And I'm reminded of that favourite blogger who switched off comments, and I get it now - because sometimes that outside interference can ruin things.

I've realised that this is why I've struggled with blogging in recent years. It's become something ridiculous where you have to show off in order to be interesting, but that's not what interests me. I don't care how much you spend on your clothing or art supplies, I don't care how many times you've seen your favourite stage production or band, and I'm utterly bored of people constantly trying to be an expert and act like the single biggest fan of a particular thing. Life isn't a competition to be won or lost. Let's have less shouting, less boasting. Take things slow, just enjoy stuff, and create things just for you because you want to and no other reason.